“White Cargo” is the sweatiest movie ever made.

Happy Saturday morning from bright and sunshiney Texas. I started my day with a fistful of drugs and a few squirts of FloNase while Sam shuffles in and out of the house doing his springtime weed patrol thing. Just another typical weekend at Howdygram headquarters. I’m not joking.

---

Here’s a shout-out to my beautiful and brilliant niece Allison (in Chicago) for saving my sanity last night.

Last night, in honor of Passover, Sam and I wanted to watch The Ten Commandments (1956) on DVD starring Charlton Heston (as Moses) and Yul Brynner (as Ramses), but first I had to pester Allison via email for a refresher on how to use our Samsung remote because she’s the one who taught us how to use it in the first place when she visited Dallas early last year. I can’t remember how long it had been since we watched a DVD here (a year at least!), and that’s because we always get freaked out about what happens if we can’t figure out how to operate our TV afterwards.

More than once we couldn’t get back to the right “source” setting after playing a DVD, and we also couldn’t get the sound bar to turn on with the TV. It’s worth the aggravation to get it right, though, and that’s why I decided to ask Allison for a refresher course. Sam and I have a fabulous collection of DVDs, and I just ordered another one from Amazon: White Cargo (1942), the sweatiest movie ever made and a true “camp” classic. You get gorgeous Hedy Lamarr as Tondelayo, a spray-painted, slutty “native girl” who’s seducing the men on an African rubber plantation circa 1910. She’s absolutely fabulous with an unforgettable supporting cast that includes Walter Pidgeon, Richard Carlson and Frank Morgan (see below). As a special treat I’m also throwing in the original movie trailer!

For the record, last night Sam and I both fell asleep during the second half of The Ten Commandments (an old-school Cecil B. DeMille Hollywood “blockbuster” with a pretentious intermission) and completely missed most of the seven plagues and Moses parting the Red Sea. We’ll probably watch part two again tonight. And I’ve got plenty of leftover leftover egg foo young in lieu of popcorn, as I don’t have lower teeth any more. (It’s always something.)

---

So here’s what’s going on right now. Sam is in bed (it’s Sunday morning, a few minutes past midnight) and I want to buy some fragrances for myself. I’ve always adored fragrances, and I could be the only old lady under hospice care who wants to smell wonderful all the time. And because I had two fragrances run out last week, I just ordered Amazing Grace by Philosophy and Gardenia by Elizabeth Taylor … both from Amazon with free Prime shipping. Oh boy! I LOVE TO SMELL GOOD!

---

Before I shut down for the night and publish my post, I’ve got something weighing on my mind: Remember the Alamo or I might have to strangle you. Thank you for reading this.