At times I really enjoy turning the family room lamps on and off.

Hello, people. I think I’ve managed to sigh myself into a mild depression that started yesterday when I asked Sam if he realized I’ve been bedridden for almost a whole year. I’ve just spent 12 months in a hospital bed, in the same position, staring at the same wall, unable to walk and unable to even stand up. I guess that’s probably enough to depress anybody.

However, even though I’m an invalid there are also lots of options for fun, such as: 1) cutting my cuticles; 2) using my oximeter at 45-minute intervals; 3) planning my next meal; 4) binge-watching “Bar Rescue” reruns, and 5) taking my temperature. At times I also enjoy turning the family room lamps on and off … they’re all on the same little remote, which is convenient and very entertaining.

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And so … another week begins, and there will be considerable hubbub at Howdygram headquarters during the next few days. For instance …

I RESCHEDULED EVERYTHING TODAY. I love the fact that I get to call all the shots with my hospice team. At 9:30 this morning, in a brief moment of clarity (I’d been sound asleep), I told Sam I didn’t want to see anybody today, so with one fell swoop he texted our hospice administrator to cancel my 10:30 a.m. bathing and hygiene session, my R.N. appointment and my monthly catheter change! Everything will go on as originally planned on Wednesday. (Oh joy.)

TWO AMAZON DELIVERIES. Know what’s coming on Tuesday? First, a pair of lovely fragrances so I can smell above-average while I type things and watch TV: 1) Elizabeth Taylor’s Gardenia; and 2) Amazing Grace by Philosophy. And second, I’m also expecting a DVD of White Cargo (1942) starring Hedy Lamarr and Walter Pidgeon, the sweatiest movie in the history of Hollywood. It’s the story of a bunch of vicious, sex-starved men with no deodorant working on an African rubber plantation just before World War I. This is definitely filmmaking at its finest!

YOOGE STORMS ARE ON THE WAY. We’re expecting a lot of rain and thunderstorms to begin around 3 p.m. tomorrow, although the “heavy” stuff really won’t get here until about the same time on Wednesday. Weather.com* is predicting multiple inches of rain but doesn’t really commit to how much. I think we deserve to know, don’t you?

Incidentally, I don’t have the patience for Weather.com any more. Their website takes forever to load, half the time I can’t access the national weather map, and their pages include a lot of bullshit “click-bait” news to give them a reason sell annoying advertisements. I’m not impressed. Meh.

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I’m awfully hungry right now, so I think I ought to wake Sam and ask for food. (He’s been asleep on the sofa for the last four or five hours.) Thank you for reading this, and if you’re having any difficulty remembering the Alamo please don’t worry about it. I can’t remember it, either.