On Wednesday I get to pish in a cup.

Hello and how’s the family from my house to yours! I’m getting a late start tonight on my Howdygram post due to an afternoon nap that ended at 8 p.m. and I just finished dinner at 9:45. Tonight’s menu provided a bag of freeze-dried Mountain House Biscuits & Gravy, a nice cold can of diet ginger ale and a side order of prescription painkillers.

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I’ve got a doctor appointment tomorrow morning. It’s my routine quarterly checkup hoo-hah with Dr. M at Baylor Hospital’s clinic here in Mesquite using my regular mode of transportation ... a sturdy bariatric wheelchair for old women with big butts (powered by Sam!) and the City of Mesquite’s free senior citizen transit bus with a ramp and/or elevator, depending on which bus they decide to send. (We like the one with an elevator.) My appointment tomorrow will also include blood work, pishing in a cup and (hopefully) a speedy referral to Baylor Hospital’s pain management clinic so I can get myself set up with more and better drugs. Norco just isn’t cutting it any more.

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Since it’s been a while since my last substantial herd of AWESOME FREE FONTS, I thought I’d give you a special treat tonight with the following nine! I think all of these are goddamn adorable, especially the last six, which I can’t wait to use for greeting card designs for The Howdygram Store. Look at those cute little cupcakes! Download links will be included after the graphic in case you want these for yourself.

Sunbreath • Justin Road • Saldina • Trawll • Cupcake Party

Fields of Wildflowers • Sabrina Hand • Lemonberry Sans • Blooming Petunia

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Ever heard of a Republican politician douchebag named Lawrence Lockman? He’s a state representative in Maine, and if you don’t know who he is I’d like to introduce this clueless piece of shit with the following quote from 2014. Frankly, it comes as no surprise that Lockman thinks rape is an expression of a man’s “pursuit of sexual freedom.” (Hint: It’s NOT.)

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And as long as I’m discussing Republican assholes, Senator “Tehran Tom” Cotton is back in the news again. You may recall last year when the freshman GOP senator from Arkansas attempted to overthrow the United States government by spearheading a Congressional campaign to destroy the President’s nuclear treaty with Iran. (He sent a letter to Iran’s foreign minister to let him know that Republicans plan to shred the treaty as soon as President Obama is out of office. Sound familiar?)

Anyway, this time old Cottonmouth has decided to defend Senate Republicans’ refusal to consider President Obama’s nominee to replace dead Associate Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court with the following logic: “We should let the American public decide.”

Except the public already decided, you arrogant giraffe-necked muppet, when they elected President Obama to a second four-year term in 2012! 

But Tom Cotton, of course, sees it differently. “In 2012 they did elect President Obama, in part to nominate justices and judges, but in 2014 they elected me … to say STOP THE OBAMA AGENDA!” What the fuck? You seriously believe your Tea Party win by a few right-wing loons in Arkansas out-ranks President Obama’s victory in a national election?!

This clown makes me so sick I want to punch his face into the shape of a cheeseburger with pickles and extra ketchup. (I just realized I might be overdosing on painkillers tonight. Also I think I’m hungry.)

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And last but not least, happy belated birthday to Rock Hudson’s playmate and one of my all-time favorite movie stars, DORIS DAY, who was 92 yesterday.

Yes, friends, Doris Day is still alive. She lives in Carmel, California, with a bunch of critters and — just guessing — a big house with a view and a lot of ritzy white furniture.

Thank you for reading this!