I can’t figure out what to do with myself tonight. Sam is at work, there’s nothing on TV, I’ve already consumed my evening’s allotment of food and I don’t especially feel like designing any more Mother’s Day cards for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle. For your possible interest, however, here’s are the four card designs I uploaded last night in a frenzy of unbridled creativity. They’re adorable, am I right? FYI, all four have funny and/or sarcastic verses inside. (If you want a serious Mother’s Day card go buy yourself a Hallmark.)
The biggest story in politics — according to Donald Trump — is Donald Trump taking home exactly NO DELEGATES WHATSOEVER from last week’s Colorado Republican Convention.
“The people out there are going crazy,” Trump whined in a Monday call-in interview on Fox News. “They’re going absolutely crazy because they weren’t given a vote. This was given by politicians. It’s a crooked deal. And I see it. There was no voting. That’s not the way democracy is supposed to work.”
His remarks came after Trump’s rival, Lyin’ Ted Cruz, captured all of Colorado’s 34 state delegates on Saturday. Trump won seven meaningless alternate delegates.
Not long after Cruz declared his victory, the Colorado Republican Party tweeted “We did it. #NeverTrump” from its official account, fueling additional hysteria and anger from disillusioned (and mentally unstable) Trump supporters.
And Trump, of course, who’s the sorest loser on earth, has accused the Republican Party of paying off delegates to switch their support to Ted Cruz with free trips and expensive gifts. Seriously?!
Guy Short, a Cruz backer in Colorado who was elected as a Republican National Convention delegate for the sixth time, disputed Trump’s allegations. “Donald Trump is a liar,” Short told Reuters in an email. “Nobody was offered anything. In fact, I spent thousands of dollars of my own money campaigning to become a delegate because it’s that important to make sure Donald Trump is NOT our nominee.”
Trump also has accused Ted Cruz of trying to steal delegates in South Carolina, in North Dakota, in Iowa and now in Colorado. Clearly the Manhattan orangutan’s widespread unpopularity is everybody’s fault but his own. TAKE YOUR GODDAMN MARBLES AND GO HOME, DONALD. And fuck the horse you rode in on.
We sure do have our hands full here in Texas. Shitbag governors, shitbag ex-governors, shitbag lieutenant governors, shitbag “former fetus” congressjerks, shitbag anti-science school boards, shitbag gun-humping activists with assault weapons in Kroger ... and now a shitbag attorney general, Ken Paxton, our latest Putz of the Week, who’s spent most of the time since winning election in 2014 in court as a private defendant.
Paxton is accused of raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for Servergy without disclosing that he was making a commission. The case stems from when Paxton was a member of the Texas House, before he was elected attorney general in 2014. According to the SEC complaint, in July 2011 Paxton persuaded five investors to dump $840,000 into Servergy, and one month later Paxton magically received 100,000 shares of stock. Paxton told investigators that the shares were a gift from co-defendant (and Severgy founder) William Mapp, but NOT a commission. People recruiting investors have a legal obligation to disclose any compensation they are receiving to promote a stock. According to the complaint, Paxton claimed he accepted the shares as a gift because Mapp refused his money.
“I can’t take your money. God doesn’t want me to take your money,” Mapp told Paxton during a high-level meeting at a Dairy Queen in McKinney during the summer of 2011. I definitely can’t wait for God to take the stand on this one.
In the meantime, Paxton keeps pleading not guilty to felony after felony and the people of Texas are completely fed up already and can’t wait to see this sneaky POS led out of court in handcuffs. The sooner the better.
Thank you for reading this!
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