What the fuck ... I’m retired!

I’m not having an especially terrific week. The biggest issue — as usual — is PAIN, this time involving my shitty knees, my shitty feet, my shitty recurring rash and stiffness in my shitty right shoulder and upper arm. THIS SUCKS, PEOPLE. And adding to this mess is an ongoing problem with shortness of breath. Basically I drag myself around the house whining, crying, swearing like a sailor and gasping for air ... probably the most repulsive sight on God’s green earth not counting Donald Trump.

You may be interested in the following Shit-O-Meter reading. It’s 5:30 a.m. and I’m already at level 8. I may need a lot of drugs for this.

I’ll bet most of this is being triggered by a cold front that’s moving in as we speak with a lot of rain, as illustrated below. The red star denotes Howdygram headquarters. (I’m waving.)

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Wondering why I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday? I was busy TWEAKING MY BLOG DESIGN with a new banner, a new shade of blue, new sidebar section titles and new navigation buttons. I probably do this way too often, but what the fuck ... I’M RETIRED! Here are some of the latest Howdygram changes in case you haven’t been paying attention.

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Kenny & Ziggy’s delicatessen in Houston says you’ve got one day left to order an outrageously overpriced Rosh Hashanah feast with outrageously overpriced shipping from Foody Direct. You get dinner for five for $159.95 plus $44.95 shipping unless you live within 50 miles of the restaurant, in which case shipping is only $9.95.

I have a real problem with Kenny & Ziggy’s. I ordered latkes and kishka from them last year and thought their food was mediocre and the portions embarrassing. That Rosh Hashanah feast for five? They give you ONE STINKING HALF-PINT OF CHOPPED LIVER FOR FIVE PEOPLE. Holy crap, right? You’d be lot better off making a cold cuts platter at home with a nice rye bread and Jell-O for dessert.

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A sad item in the news yesterday ... actor Martin Milner died at the age of 83. He was probably best known by senior citizens for two hit TV series in the 1960s, “Adam 12” and “Route 66,” but Milner also appeared in a bunch of decent movies as well, such as Life with Father (1947), Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957), Compulsion (1959) and Sex Kittens Go to College (1960).

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I thought you might get a kick out of this one. Sam read it over my shoulder and laughed so loud he scared the crap out of me.

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I think it’s important to mention that it’s 8:30 a.m., Sam just left for Wal-Mart, I’m sitting quietly at my desk in the study with a nice tall glass of Diet Sunkist with lots of ice AND MY FEET ARE FUCKING KILLING ME. It’s actually a combination of plantar fasciitis and diabetic neuropathy; the soles of my feet feel like I’ve been walking on BROKEN GLASS. Within the next few minutes I might have to lie down on the chaise in the family room because I’m totally MISERABLE right now. Plus I’ve been awake since 4 a.m.

Thank you for reading this.