Thrilling highlights from the second GOP presidential debate.

It’s 5:15 a.m. and I’m upside-down. I fell asleep on the chaise in the family room last night around 11 p.m. AND I JUST WOKE UP. Going to bed at this point is futile because I’m totally wide awake and I’d rather write a Howdygram post now, anyway. Is this your lucky day, or what?

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I don’t know whether or not you bothered to watch the 2016 Republican clown car in action last night, but CNN proudly presented the second GOP debate — also known as Trumpfest II — from the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California. This was a three-hour snoozefest of bitch-slapping and immigrant-hating bullshit except for the following thrilling highlights.

MARCO RUBIO announced that “America is not a planet.” This is the same dude who announced three months ago that he wanted to take America into the 21st century. Except he’s 15 years too late. Nice try, Marco.

When JEB BUSH got testy with Donald Trump about Dubya’s record he shot off the following jaw-dropper: “There’s one thing I know for sure, HE KEPT US SAFE.” What the fuck? Sorry, Jeb, but the rest of us remember a lazy, brain-dead frat boy sitting like a wax dummy for SEVEN MINUTES after being told that two airliners had crashed in the World Trade Center, continuing to read a children’s book, peeing in his pants and waiting for someone to tell him what to do.

I guess Jeb doesn’t want to count the 3,000+ victims on 9/11, the preventable lives lost following Hurricane Katrina or the 50,000+ troops whose lives Dubya threw away in the wrong country for absolutely nothing. Your brother is a WAR CRIMINAL, Jeb, who should be arrested, tried and hung with Dick Cheney!

RICK SANTORUM compared Kim Davis to a victim of the Columbine massacre.

In an embarrassing display of Islamophobia, BOBBY JINDAL praised the arrest on Wednesday of Ahmed Mohamed, a 14-year-old Muslim student in Texas who was marched out of school in handcuffs for designing an electronic clock and showing his teacher, who called it a “hoax bomb.” In the aftermath he received calls to visit MIT and Harvard and an invitation by President Obama to bring his clock to the White House.

And finally ... here’s a compilation of the most important elements of the debate: THE MANY HIDEOUS FACES OF DONALD TRUMP reacting to remarks by his opponents. He looks like a seventh grade jerk who was sent to the back of the class.

Shalom, thank you, and let’s get a couple of sweet rolls and watch a William Powell movie.