Monday, December 14, 2015

You don’t have to be a clever senior citizen with marginal math skills to recognize a good deal!

It’s Monday night here in north Texas and your favorite blogger is MULTI-TASKING. I’m typing a Howdygram post, eating a bag of Mountain House freeze-dried Rice & Chicken for old women with disabilities and brewing a pleasant mug of Wal-Mart tea ... ALL AT THE SAME TIME! In case you’re interested, Wal-Mart tea is exactly the same as Lipton tea except a lot cheaper. Lipton sells 50 tea bags for $3.48. That’s 7¢ per bag. If you go with Wal-Mart’s Great Value store brand you’ll get 100 tea bags for $2 ... or 2¢ per bag. You don’t have to be a clever senior citizen with marginal math skills to recognize a good deal!

Hapless Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush is promising to leave you alone for two whole weeks for only $25! In his latest campaign fundraising letter, Bush — our current Putz of the Week — whines that the holiday season is a time to take a break from annoying bullshit so you can spend it with people you actually like. Therefore, the Jeb Bush campaign will stop contacting you for money if you’ll cough up $25 RIGHT NOW to help him meet his end-of-the-year extortion plan financial goal.

EVEN HIS FUNDRAISING LETTERS ARE PATHETIC. Save your money, people. Donating to the Jeb Bush campaign is like buying new deck chairs for the Titanic.

Give up? Another set of LEG RIGGINGS for my wonderful new Drive Medical Sentra Extra-Wide Bariatric Wheelchair for Big Butts! The chair came with the padded elevating leg rests pictured below on the left. These are exceptionally huge and comfortable but make your legs stick out from the front of the chair to an unusual degree, and I already know I’d never be able to use them for a visit to my cardiologist because his clinic is a labyrinth of narrow hallways. So this morning I ordered a pair of regular chrome swing-away leg riggings from Amazon (below, right) that are less obtrusive yet extremely shiny. They’ll be here on Wednesday.
I also bought myself a set of eight teeny plastic storage boxes measuring 2½" x 2" x 1½" that I’ll use to organize my prescription medications with handsome and correctly-spelled labels designed by yours truly. Right now I’m using ziploc bags but they’re falling apart.

I have a bunch of additional topics for tonight’s post but quite honestly I’m having trouble staying awake right now, probably the result of too much Norco. So I think I’ll just take a nice hot shower and stretch out in the family room until Sam gets home. Thank you for your support.

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