Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Ridiculous love scenes on film: Dustin Hoffman tries to make a sexy-face at Vanessa Redgrave’s chin.

Hello. It’s 6:45 Wednesday afternoon and I’m running a low-grade fever. The only “plus” is, at least now I know why my joints feel like shit. I’ve been aching more than usual for the last couple of days and woke up this morning feeling like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. The only thing that could make me feel better — aside from a large dose of prescription painkillers — is Chinese food. I was hoping to try a hole-in-the-wall on Gus Thomasson Road called Mr. Teriyaki (somebody left a full-color menu with pictures taped to our front door) except I just found out online THEY CAN’T PASS A HEALTH INSPECTION. Thank God for the Internet! Therefore I’ll have to fall back on my two favorite Chinese restaurants, China City and King China. Of the two, King China has an edge because they have a lot more vegetable dishes like Szechwan String Beans. I LOVE SZECHWAN STRING BEANS!
For your possible interest the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Mr. Teriyaki at Gus Thomasson and Town East Boulevard; C) King China in Garland; D) China City just north of I-30 on Broadway; E) our Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market where Sam buys my favorite Jell-O cups and gets our prescriptions filled; and F) the big main post office in Garland with drive-by mailboxes. (It’s closer to us than the main post office in Mesquite, although I’m pretty sure you don’t give a shit about this.)

As I write this post I’ve been watching the Republican debate live on CNN online, looking at a lineup of the most repulsive assholes in America, all on one stage, all at the same time! This is actually more than I can stomach, to tell you the truth, so I’ve decided to mute the volume and sneer at all those punchable faces instead. At the top of the Howdygram’s most-punchable sneer list are Donald Trump (in first place) followed by Turd Cruz, the most hated clown in Congress EVEN BY MEMBERS OF HIS OWN PARTY. His latest reign of terror is threatening another government shutdown, this time over funding for Planned Parenthood, an organization that’s more popular with — and has more support from — American women than any candidate of either party. So good luck with that, Ted, and thank you. You’ve just tanked the GOP’s chances in 2o16, if they ever had one!

Show of hands. Have any of you ever seen the movie Agatha (1979) starring Vanessa Redgrave and Dustin Hoffman? It’s a fictionalized account of the never-explained 11-day disappearance in 1926 of mystery author Agatha Christie, which might have been an enjoyable romp with excellent costumes and ornate sets except for two things: 1) everybody mumbled and I couldn’t understand a single goddamn word of dialog; and 2) Vanessa Redgrave and Dustin Hoffman were the most mismatched couple in cinematic history, as evidenced by the photograph below in which Dustin Hoffman tries to make a sexy-face at Vanessa Redgrave’s chin. They looked ridiculous together and their one love scene was so fucking awkward I had to laugh out loud. Even a lot of popcorn didn’t help.

And now it’s almost 9 p.m. and I’m pleased to report that Sam will be home from work in about 20 minutes ... just in time to make me dinner because I’M STARVING. Tonight I think I need Sam’s Special Geometrically-Perfect Cold Cuts Platter featuring an artistic arrangement of sliced pepper jack cheese, Oscar Mayer pickle & pimiento loaf and assorted pickles. With a side order of Wal-Mart’s best potato salad, extra napkins and two Jell-O cups for dessert. Sam assembles the most adorable cold cuts platters I’ve ever seen. I wish we could find a way to market this on the Internet.

Thank you.

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