Thursday, June 25, 2015

Bristol Palin is a Bible-beating “family values” harpy.

Good afternoon, y’all, and welcome to the Howdygram’s Clots “R” Us clinic! I just did a monthly blood test to check my coagulation time using my very own ritzy $1,400 CoaguChek XS blood-test meter, and I’m pleased to report that my pro-thrombin (PT) time today registered at 2.5. I sent an email to Dr. M with the results. Sam and I love not having to shlep to the lab every month to have this done and it also saves us a $25 insurance copay. Plus finger-stabbing is a real gas and you should try it sometime. BLOOD ROCKS!

America’s long national nightmare is over. Yesterday a Fox News spokesclown verified that Sarah Palin’s contract was terminated on June 1 and Governor Quitterpants is now officially irrelevant to national politics ... even though the Howdygram has been saying this for YEARS! (I’m still waiting for an opportunity to kick John McCain in the nuts.)

I love irony. Today’s third-biggest breaking news story — after the bombshells that SCOTUS upheld the Obamacare subsidies and Sarah Palin got fired from Fox — comes from the obnoxious little town of Wasilla, Alaska, where Bristol Palin, daughter of Governor Quitterpants and an angry Bible-beating “family values” harpy who trolls women online to berate them for sinful choices, has announced that SHE’S PREGNANT AGAIN AND STILL NOT MARRIED.
It’s clear from Bristol’s baby announcement to the press today that she’s very upset about this, she doesn’t want another baby and she knows she’s a huge disappointment to EVERYBODY. (That last point isn’t exactly true because most people don’t give a shit about Bristol Palin.) It would be nice, however, if somebody would introduce the little snot to BIRTH CONTROL.

There IS an upside to this. Now that grandma’s been canned by Fox News she’ll have more free time to babysit.

Two important pictures. First, I ordered myself a nice brown genuine vinyl pouch for my eyeglasses today from Amazon.
Second, here’s a photo of the “Venetian Stone” shower enclosure material that’s being installed in the master bath at Howdygram headquarters in a couple of weeks. (It looks way more gorgeous in person than it does in a picture.) The crew from Re-Bath will get started on Tuesday, July 7. Holy crap, THIS IS EXCITING!
And now I think I’ll figure out what to do about dinner because it’s late, I’m hungry and I deserve food. Thank you.

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