Friday, May 8, 2015

Why can’t I walk? Because there’s no cartilage in my knees and my bones are grinding against each other!

Holy crap ... it’s Friday! Although technically this doesn’t mean very much to a retired senior citizen person with shitty knees such as yours truly, my husband — Handsome Rootin’-Tootin’ Sam — still works for a living at a real job and loves his weekends to pieces. We have no special plans whatsoever due to another huge threat of severe thunderstorms tonight, Saturday and Sunday with hail as big as somebody’s foot, potential twisters and other very scary weather whatnots here in the Dallas metro area, as illustrated below.

Hey ... I’d like to take a minute to share the results of the knee x-rays I had yesterday. Apparently I’ve got “advanced narrowing of the medial compartment with bone on bone configuration and medial joint line osteophyte” in both knees, summarized as “advanced degenerative arthritis.” Which certainly explains my intense chronic pain: THERE’S NO CARTILAGE IN MY KNEES AND MY BONES ARE GRINDING AGAINST EACH OTHER. I want to throw up just thinking about it.

For a variety of reasons the only relief available to me includes PRESCRIPTION PAINKILLERS, which I take as often as possible, CORTISONE INJECTIONS, which most likely will commence on Tuesday when I see the orthopedic surgeon, and large quantities of HOT & SOUR SOUP WITH CRUNCHY THINGS. Shut up. This is a popular and widely accepted treatment plan.

Our handyman Gary came over this morning for a few minutes to talk to us about the remodeling hoo-hah in our master bathroom. ReBath is doing our new expanded shower, sit-down bench, fixed and hand-held shower heads and a gorgeous new vanity top. Gary will repaint the bathroom when they’re done, hang some new towel rings and jazz up our cabinets. But here’s some EXCITING NEWS! We were positive we wanted regular cabinet refacing until Gary mentioned an option we never considered ... a FANCY-SCHMANCY HIGH-END PAINTED FINISH instead with ritzy chrome hardware, which would certainly cost less than refacing (we already have a quote for $1,670 to reface them) and probably be twice as gorgeous!

I think this might be a fine time to watch a movie and eat things, since it’s already after 9 p.m. and my stomach is making noise like a monster truck rally. Shalom.

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