Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Sorry, all the window seats are taken in the 2016 Republican clown car.

We’re between thunderstorms right now so this might be a fine opportunity to write a nice speedy post and tell y’all what’s what here at Howdygram headquarters. First, I’m having another strange and queasy day with lots of joint pain, body aches, occasional nausea (whenever I stand up to walk) and a overall feeling of SEVERE CRAP. Second, I bought a couple of things online this afternoon to amuse myself. They included another Cane Tube cane holder for my walker (the first one I got is so indispensable I want a spare in case it ever breaks) and a memory foam floor mat for under my desk from Home Depot. The floor mat appears below for your possible interest. It measures 20" x 48".
As soon as I start using my new floor mat I won’t have to wear memory foam slippers any more when I write the Howdygram. This is huge news, people. Memory foams slippers are comfortable but make my feet clammy. I HATE CLAMMY FEET!

By now I’m sure you’ve noticed that the 2016 Republican clown car is filling up with bullshit presidential hopefuls. During the last 48 hours cornpone racist Mike “I Speak Jesus” Huckabee and Carly Fiorina, the cross-eyed former CEO of Hewlett-Packard (the one who fired 2,500 employees), have announced their candidacies, joining Wisconsin’s dirtbag Governor Scott Walker, assholes Turd Cruz and Ben Carson, eternal frat boy Jeb Bush, conspiracy king Rand Paul and Marco “Your Candidate for the 21st Century” Rubio.
Although I’ve written extensively about Mike Huckabee in earlier Howdygram posts [read them here, here and here] I thought you might be interested in a little more essential background information.

Huckabee is a miserable Bible-humping buffoon with a deplorable “Jesus wrote the Constitution” political platform and a frightening fear of gay sex, contraception and dirty women who swear. He also complains constantly that the Obamas let their daughters wear slutty clothes and listen to Beyoncé. Mike Huckabee also believes in lots of vertical stripes.
Given his criticism of the Obamas’ parenting skills, you should know that a few years ago Huckabee’s psychopathic younger son David (top row, center) got fired from a summer job as a Boy Scout camp counselor for torturing and killing a dog by hanging it, after which dad used his position as Governor to squash any official investigation. (Please note that the dog in this picture doesn’t look too happy, either.) KEEP THESE ASSHOLES AWAY FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

I think I should shoot for a nap now and maybe a nice movie. I’m starting to feel nauseated again, my feet are burning and and my left leg is cramped-up. Thank you, as always, for putting up with me.

No comments: