Sunday, May 17, 2015

North Texas’ four-year drought is officially kaput.

It’s a moist and cloudy Sunday here at Howdygram headquarters. Our overnight storms and torrential rain finally stopped around sun-up; now we’re left with flooded roadways, drippy patio furniture, overcast skies and heavily-watered lawns. I can deal with it. North Texas’ four-year drought is officially kaput, and our lakes, creeks and reservoirs are bursting at the seams. Yee-haw, everybody! WE LOVE RAIN! And while we’re not expecting any additional large weather for the rest of today, there’s plenty forecast for the week ahead as indicated on the following screen shot. Holy crap, right?

In case you’re wondering what’s what with my Amazon Subscribe & Save order for the month of May, the following items are scheduled for delivery tomorrow. They include: 1) a case of 12 little tubs of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni; 2) a can of Keystone ground beef for senior citizens; 3) several bottles of SweetLeaf stevia drops in various tasty flavors; and 4) three bags of Sam’s favorite trail mix. (The kind with cashews and cranberries.)
The Howdygram would like to take a moment to recommend Amazon’s Subscribe & Save program, which is excellent deal that can save y’all a lot of money. SHIPPING IS ALWAYS FREE, and if you subscribe to five or more items a month you also get an extra 15% discount. This is a terrific way to st with grocery essentials, Ziploc bags, laundry detergent, deodorant, batteries, mascara, vitamins, air filters and other miscellaneous everyday crap that you use on a regular basis. Please give it a shot and tell them Marcy sent you.

And now I’d like to present a Howdygram Einstein Award to the Lone Star State’s Governor Greg Abbott for declaring an official state of emergency in Bastrop, Texas, due to its citizens being convinced that a routine summer training exercise by the U.S. armed forces — code name “Jade Helm 15” — is actually a plot by President Obama to subjugate Texas, take away everybody’s God-given AK-47s and imprison the Christians in internment camps located in empty Wal-Mart stores.


But instead of shaking off these idiotic conspiracy theories as ridiculous horseshit, Abbott became King of the Morons with the following statement: “It has been brought to my attention that these drills may infringe upon the rights of many Texans, rights that we have fought for, rights we cherish, rights that we will protect against any threat, foreign or domestic.” WTF?
Abbott continued, “Due to this perceived threat of the federal government infringing upon our God-given right to own and carry guns, and Obama’s desire to declare martial law to create internment camps for good people of the Christian faith, I have declared a state of emergency effective immediately.”

There’s nothing quite like having a governor who panders to the lowest common denominator. He’s as bad as Rick Perry. (Actually, worse.) Like a true patriot, Greg Abbott has called out the Texas Guard to keep an eye on the United States Army.

Thank y’all for reading this.

No comments: