Saturday, December 20, 2014

Recommendations from the Howdygram’s surgeon general.

I’m pretty much at a loss to explain this, but it’s 1:45 Saturday afternoon and I just woke up from a nap with ANOTHER DAMN HYPOGLYCEMIC EPISODE. This is happening at least once a day for the last couple of weeks even though I’m injecting less insulin at night and at mealtimes to try and avoid it. MAYBE I SHOULD EAT A BUCKET OF FRENCH FRIES! (Okay, just kidding.) While I occasionally enjoy the out-of-body experience of clammy inebriation that accompanies the earlier stages of hypoglycemia, it can also be a quick and scary evolution from “low” to “diabetic coma.” At the moment I’m just “low” but should probably consider eating food before this gets any worse. My blood glucose is 56. I HATE DIABETES.

Read any good fairy tales lately? At least four people have died and another 28 in 10 different states are seriously ill after eating POISONED CARAMEL APPLES infected with Listeria monocytogenes.
Symptoms of Listeriosis infection include muscle aches, headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of balance, fever, and convulsions. To date nearly all who were interviewed about their illnesses remembered eating commercially produced, prepackaged caramel apples before they got sick.

The CDC suggests staying away from caramel apples until the source of the outbreak has been isolated, but the Howdygram’s surgeon general recommends that everybody should eat NO FRUIT WHATSOEVER and more Russell Stover marshmallow Santas for at least the next six weeks. Thank you.

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