Friday, December 12, 2014

A mental hospital is the perfect address for gun rights activists.

Know why I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday? BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO. Actually, I might be lying a little. I really DID want to but I got caught up in a bunch of other baloney that included all of the following: 1) blowing off my 9:30 a.m. appointment with Dr. M due to getting zero sleep the night before and feeling like total shit; 2) designing, printing and addressing our Hanukkah and generic nondenominational unoffensive seasons greetings cards; 3) a four-hour nap directly related to item number one; 4) a late afternoon hypoglycemic episode; and 5) watching Wednesday’s recorded episode of “Top Chef,” during which Adam got eliminated for serving the judges squeaky uncooked shrimp and George rejoined the cast after a sudden death cookoff against Katie, who made a clearly lousy braised rabbit.

I suppose a weather forecast graphic might be appropriate at this point since we’re expecting some welcome precipitation around here today and Sunday. We also had a 70% chance of rain on Thursday that never materialized because EVERYBODY WHO WORKS AT WEATHER.COM IS A LYING SACK OF POO.
North Texas is still struggling with extreme drought. We’ve received ONE STINKING HUNDREDTH OF AN INCH OF RAIN since the beginning of December and almost none in November at all. The local reservoirs are below 50%, the cattle are drinking Dr. Pepper and we might have to start dry-cleaning our socks. This is really dire, people.

If you’re a regular Howdygram reader you may not be surprised to learn that home-grown ignoramus Governor Rick “Hairdo” Perry is the our Putz of the Week again today, mostly because we never run out of material and Rick Perry is a natural-born Putz. This time, in an interview with NBC News, Perry declared that he isn’t worried that America thinks he’s dumber than a bag of rocks because that’s NOT what a presidential campaign is about. Specifically, he said: “Running for the presidency is not an IQ test.” We don’t need a smart president, just a guy with ideas who can sign his name. (Yeah, we pretty much figured that out after George W. Bush.)
Perry also insisted that he learned a lot from his spectacularly miserable 2012 presidential bid. “I think, over the course of the last two years, people realize that what they saw in 2011 is certainly not the person they’re looking at in 2013, 2014, 2015,” he told NBC News.

So in other words, Governor Oops wants America to know that the pig hasn’t changed but the new lipstick will knock your socks off. Holy crap. NO.

I’ve got a news story this morning from our Sometimes Irony Will Bite You in the Ass department. Open Carry Texas gun rights activist Veronica Dunnachie of Arlington was arrested on Wednesday for using a gun to murder her husband and adult stepdaughter and then driving herself to a mental hospital, which is technically the perfect address for ALL gun rights activists.

Dunnachie’s Facebook account was packed with pictures of her showing off her guns and participating in Second Amendment activities with the local chapter of Open Carry Texas, a group so obnoxious that even the NRA keeps its distance.
If you’re wondering what the hell is a “frontline” (check out the banner at the bottom of the photo) I’m guessing it’s a checkout lane at Kroger or Home Depot— Open Carry Texas’ favorite retail establishments — since you never know when an irritating person of a different color will cut in front of you in line and need to be killed with a military-grade assault weapon. FREEDOM! LIBERTY! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Please don’t forget to enter our Hanukkah Giveaway. Thank you for reading this.

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