- Spending several hours trying to belch.
- Repositioning myself in bed to get comfortable.
- Kicking off my blanket because I was too hot. And then, of course, I was too cold.
- Trying to settle my stomach with a chocolate meal replacement shake for elderly diabetics. Too bad the relief didn’t last longer than half an hour.
- Taking Xanax for hysteria with a prescription nausea medication (Zofran).
- Eating a banana. On the plus side, however, at least I could taste the banana!
- Trying to belch again, this time accompanied by audible moaning.
- Watching a cute movie for distraction: Tom Thumb (1958) starring Russ Tamblyn, Terry-Thomas and Peter Sellers. (I remember seeing Tom Thumb in a theater when I was a little girl.)
- Eating a little dish of cottage cheese when I finally figured out I might be starving to death. It worked. Cottage cheese actually settled my stomach!
Click here to view a detailed explanation of our Shit-O-Meter numbers.
MONDAY, 3:41 A.M., 10/14/2019. What a difference a day makes! My stomach this morning is happy, peaceful and calm — no churning, no nausea, no pressure — after taking my bedtime meds with a little cup of Mott’s applesauce and this week’s episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” I seriously believe that “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” was the key to success last night. THE WORLD NEEDS A LOT MORE KARDASHIANS!
MONDAY. Our hospice social worker will be here at 9:30 a.m. for her monthly visit, and at 1 p.m. I’ve got a bathing and hygiene session with my C.N.A., Beauty. That’s her actual name, people: Beauty. She makes up for her ridiculous name with a lack of overall skill. (Plus she’s basically very stupid.)
WEDNESDAY. Another bathing and hygiene session with Beauty. The less said about this, the better.
THURSDAY. Bob, the hospice chaplain, is coming over today to spend an hour or two kibbitzing with Sam. I don’t really know the exact time, but Bob typically shows up around 5 p.m. as his last appointment of the day due to living not too far from us in Garland … and we’re on the way home. Sam and I like Bob very much. Behind his back I call him “Charlie” … i.e., Charlie Chaplain. Get it?
FRIDAY. We’re expecting two visitors today. Our maid shows up at 10 a.m. and Beauty will be here at 1 p.m. for another thrill-packed bathing and hygiene hoo-hah. Then we’re free for the entire weekend! Oh boy!
WEDNESDAY. Another bathing and hygiene session with Beauty. The less said about this, the better.
THURSDAY. Bob, the hospice chaplain, is coming over today to spend an hour or two kibbitzing with Sam. I don’t really know the exact time, but Bob typically shows up around 5 p.m. as his last appointment of the day due to living not too far from us in Garland … and we’re on the way home. Sam and I like Bob very much. Behind his back I call him “Charlie” … i.e., Charlie Chaplain. Get it?
FRIDAY. We’re expecting two visitors today. Our maid shows up at 10 a.m. and Beauty will be here at 1 p.m. for another thrill-packed bathing and hygiene hoo-hah. Then we’re free for the entire weekend! Oh boy!
The symptoms listed in the previous paragraph have been increasing steadily during the last couple of months. At the present time I can taste almost nothing except hot and sour soup from China City, Campbell’s tomato soup, Mott’s applesauce and Glucerna meal replacement shakes for elderly diabetics. That’s it. Nothing else! Whatever I eat usually gets stuck in my throat (the muscles in my esophagus don’t work well any more), or food “sits” in my chest and creates so much unbearable pressure I want to shoot myself. (It feels like there’s an anvil sitting on top of me.)
I’ve been a foodie all my life, so not being able to eat, chew, swallow or enjoy even a teeny meal is making me extremely depressed. Sam called the hospice administrator this morning to request a stronger dose of my “happy pills” — Amitriptyline — because lately I feel myself losing interest in the two creative activities I’ve always loved, and that have always defined my life: WRITING THE HOWDYGRAM and DESIGNING GREETING CARDS for The Howdygram Store.
Stay tuned, okay?
Thank you for reading this.
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