The Howdygram 2: Catheters, rain gutters and remembering Cincinnati Chili.

Hello, hello, and happy Tuesday morning. While I wait for a thunderstorm to roll through here I think I owe you guys an explanation: I don’t write Howdygram posts very often any more because I’m always asleep! Sam estimated that I slept about 18 hours yesterday and spent the rest of the time trying to keep my eyes open, deciding whether or not I was hungry, and (finally) should I watch a movie or design another greeting card for The Howdygram Store now that I’ve moved on from iPhone cases.

In case you’re interested, last week’s creative accomplishment was 85 new iPhone cases; today I’m ready to upload 48 greeting card designs — holy shit, FOUR DOZEN! — to my online store on Zazzle.com. However I’m not exactly through with new designs yet, and I hate to start uploading artwork before I finish working on new designs. (Sometimes I’m not too good at multi-tasking.)

I’m having another what-the-fuck moment. I lost another whole day again to sleep, and all of a sudden I open my eyes and it’s 8 p.m. I hate when this happens and I can’t explain it, although the hospice nurses call it “declining.” You’d better hang on for the ride, okay?

Before I commence whining, this might be an opportune time to list everything on my schedule for the remainder of the week.

WEDNESDAY, 8/28
My day will begin tomorrow at the crack of 8:30 so I can wake up and take a ton of VERY SERIOUS DRUGS, including both Hydrocodone and Xanax, although I have to take them an hour apart — Hydrocodone first — to avoid a fatal interaction. Now I’ll tell you why. At 10 a.m. a hospice team (two nurses and an aide) will be here to transfer me to A NEW HOSPITAL BED WITH AN AIR MATTRESS, which might help (we hope!) with the skin breakdown* problems on my back, my thighs and my butt. It will take three or four people to transfer me onto the new bed using a “draw sheet,” which explains why I need those strong pain medications (Hydrocodone and Xanax) beforehand. After I’m positioned on the new bed it will be time for my monthly CATHETER CHANGE. And last but not least, my C.N.A. will be here at 2 p.m. for a BATHING AND HYGIENE session. This is way too much commotion for me.

SKIN BREAKDOWN is a major hoo-hah for individuals such as yours truly who are bedridden, immobile and suffer decreased sensation from numbness and neuropathy. It begins with pressure ulcers, which I’ve had for years, and eventually advances to large scaly patches that slough off and bleed. I currently have a number of areas like this all over my thighs and butt. Sometimes I want to scream!

FRIDAY, 8/30
We’re expecting installation of our NEW RAIN GUTTERS today, which is part of a huge list of repairs from hail damage earlier this year … and it’s all paid for by our homeowners’ insurance! NEW SOLAR SCREENS is the last project remaining, and I imagine our contractor will schedule this work for sometime next week. Woo-hoo.

The most popular and authentic barbecue in the Lone Star State is definitely Dickey’s, a national chain with a predominance of restaurants (139) right here in Texas … and there’s even a Dickey’s Barbecue Pit restaurent about five minutes from Howdygram headquarters. So what’s my point? Well .. last week when I was browsing around on Wal-Mart’s grocery website I discovered DICKEY’S HOT LINKS SMOKED SAUSAGE in the refrigerator case, only $2.98 for a 16-ounce package of five links! (If you buy a pound of smoked sausage to-go from a Dickey’s restaurant, they charge you $12.95.)

I was so excited that I ordered a package of sausages, and Sam and I had them for dinner the same day. They were spicy, crazy-delicious and absolutely OUTSTANDING. The links are fully cooked and smoked so all you have to do is heat them in a little water. Sam used a small skillet on the stove and simmered the sausages in half a cup of water for about five minutes. (You can also heat them in the microwave.) I strongly recommend our favorite barbecue sauce (when we can’t get our hands on Dickey’s) … it’s Sweet Baby Ray’s Sweet ’n Spicy, pictured at right.

But wait, there’s more! Yesterday I discovered another amazing product on Wal-Mart’s website. This time, genuine SKYLINE CINCINNATI CHILI, which was originally invented in 1922 by a pair of Greek immigrant restauranteurs who served an intensely popular chili made with unusual — primarily Greek — spices and ingredients, including cinnamon, unsweetened chocolate, ground onions, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, chili powder, salt, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, cloves, allspice berries and a bay leaf! There are still Skyline Chili restaurants all over Cincinnati, where it’s known as “five-way chili” because you get to choose from any (or all) of the following accoutrements … 1) angel hair pasta; 2) shredded cheddar cheese; 3) kidney beans; 4) chopped onions; and 5) oyster crackers. The end result isn’t really chili at all … it’s a rich Greek meat sauce that simmers all day. And it’s WONDERFUL.

I ordered two pouches of Skyline Chili (see above) from Wal-Mart, which will be delivered later today … it’s Cincinnati Chili with angel hair pasta that you heat in the microwave. You have to add your own shredded cheese and/or any of the other condiments listed in the preceding paragraph.

Incidentally, I tried Cincinnati Chili for the first time in the mid-1970s when my first husband and I were in Cincinnati visiting his relatives. I fell in love with the stuff. Eventually I even learned how to make it at home … and I did, frequently!

Here are a few more free fonts, guys. Nothing terribly exciting, not counting “Monkey & Banana,” “Streetball,” “Sonder” and “Night in Holland.” Please note that several of these fonts include a ton of styles — “Spooktacular,” “Sonder,” “Southbank” — with multiple weights and unexpected scripts that make design projects so much easier. (I’m extremely fond of “Monkey & Banana” but I don’t know why.) I’ll include download links below the graphic in case you want any or all of these for your personal collection. You’re welcome.