“Bechamel Roman” is probably the most incredible font I’ve seen in a long, long time.

I think I owe you an explanation. While it was my intention to write a Howdygram post many days ago, I got sidetracked by feeling like total crap. Mostly I was having catheter issues again — resulting in serious leakage — and ongoing pain from the longest-running urinary tract infection (i.e., a UTI) in medical history. However tomorrow will be the “big day.” My hospice administrator promised results from the urine culture and sensitivity test that we sent to the lab on Monday, followed immediately thereafter by an emergency prescription for whichever antibiotic will cure the goddamn thing. Finally … it’s almost over. Stay tuned!

---

It’s 11:09 a.m., and there must be something seriously wrong with me because I haven’t watched a single “Bar Rescue” rerun since I woke up a couple of hours ago. (I was really tired, okay?) At the moment I’ve got about 18 episodes stored on our DVR and dozens more queued to record. If you’ve never watched “Bar Rescue,” a big knowledgeable dude named Jon Taffer is the reigning genius of bar science and answers desperate requests from bar owners to help them fix everything that’s wrong with their business, including: 1) finances; 2) huge debt; 3) employee theft; 4) untrained bartenders who can’t even figure out how to pour a rum and Coke; 5) managers with drinking problems; 6) filthy kitchens; 7) cooks who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing; and 8) disinterested partners who don’t give a shit any more. So Jon shows up with a crew of professionals to fix whatever’s wrong with the staff, develop a new menu for the kitchen and new signature cocktails, and then remodels the entire bar ... usually with a new name and logo. It’s an interesting process, and I always love the big reveal when the owners finally get to see their new bar. I’m a real sucker, right?

---

At last. The hospice administrator called Friday morning with the results of my urine culture and sensitivity test. She began with an announcement: “You do NOT have a UTI. The results say NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE!” Sam freaked out, repeatedly shouting “Whoa!” until I convinced him to sit down and stop it. As for me, I was completely mortified and couldn’t respond at all. Fortunately, Bea also emailed a PDF of the report to Sam … which told a totally different story.

The “negatives” actually referred to test results completely unrelated to the urinary tract, such as protein, glucose, ketones and bilirubin. The results do, however, indicate a high white blood cell count (a sign of infection, and not good), blood in the urine (also not good), and the presence of “many” bacteria. The final bacteria culture results won’t be available until Monday.

Why Bea believes any of this indicates an overall negative for a UTI, I’ll never know, because so far the results actually show the exact opposite. Please continue to stay tuned, okay?

---

I want to share a few new FREE FONTS with you today, because even in the midst of everything else going on around here I’m always on the lookout for new fonts.

These are some damn exciting typefaces, people. My favorities are “Lovingly Friends” (which includes six fonts and a total of 17 styles) and “Bechamel Roman” (four different typefaces and a total of four styles). To tell you the truth, “Bechamel Roman” is probably the most incredible font I’ve seen in a long, long time. It has so many alternate characters and swashy things it’s nearly impossible to choose the prettiest letterforms. For instance, to type the word “Bechamel” there were at minimum three — or as many as 11 — alternate characters for every letter. It’s a lovely and exciting dilemma for a designer. I can’t wait to use this font for my creative projects.

Other fonts in this collection with a large number of alternate letterforms or design possibilities are “Emblema,” “Ding Extra,” “Pesto Fresco” and “Better Be Lovely.” I’m so excited I almost can’t stand it! Download links appear under the graphic, so do yourself a favor and snag some of these.

Emblema • Razzle Cane • Ding Extra • Lovingly Friends • Pesto Fresco • Quirkle

Bechamel • Better Be Lovely • Widely • Twinkle the Star • Bertiga

---

I grabbed some free clip art and design elements earlier this week from Creative Market’s weekly Monday giveaway. If you’re interested in any of this crapola I’ll be glad to share the files with you. You’re welcome.

---

It’s time to move on now. I have to wake Sam from his nap so he can make dinner, and I need the TV remote so I can watch a movie. He’s been asleep on the sofa for about six hours.

Thank you for reading this, and please don’t forget to remember the Alamo.