Sam and I bought a new Epson inkjet printer today.

Yo, everybody, and happy Wednesday to you and yours. Sam and I are enjoying an evening nosh and watching The Spirit of St. Louis (1957), the Charles Lindbergh Technicolor biopic starring James Stewart. This is a pleasant and historically accurate movie, and certainly one worth seeing (if you never have), even though James Stewart was already 50 years old when he made this film portraying Lindbergh at 25. It was a screwy casting choice, but Stewart was so damn popular that nobody apparently seemed to object. And he was good in the role! The entire movie is almost a one-man show, especially depicting Lindbergh’s 40-hour flight across the Atlantic, when Stewart talks to himself — and to a fly on the instrument panel — the entire time.

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Yikes. I forgot to mention an event that’s coming up on Friday [see “A Senior Citizen’s Calendar of Thrills” in Monday’s post]. At 3 p.m. we’ve got a COORDINATION OF CARE MEETING here with the hospice administrator (Bea), the chaplain (Bob), our social worker (Theresa) and my R.N./case manager (Stella). We’re planning to discuss our ongoing concerns about muddled lines of communication, such as why the hell did it take six months to finally get my Hydrocodone prescription straightened out and who was responsible for delaying treatment for my UTI. Both issues are very important to us. Stay tuned for a summary, but please feel free to resume your normal daily activities in the meantime. Thank you.

At last, I finally got the bacteria report from my 72-hour UTI URINE CULTURE AND SENSITIVITY TEST … which took eight ridiculous days. According to the date and time stamped on the report it was actually complete and ready on Friday at 1:30 p.m., but we didn’t hear anything until late Tuesday morning! Sam and I were unbelievably disappointed by the delay because everybody knew how anxious we were to get this resolved.

One more thing. In addition to cloudy urine, the presence of blood and a high white blood cell count, the report also indicated two rampant bacteria: pseudomonas aeruginosa and enterococcus faecalis. The hospice M.D. prescribed Nitrofurantoin, the only antibiotic that would kill them both according to the “sensitivity” section of the lab report. I started taking it on Tuesday afternoon as soon as I got my pharmacy delivery. I’ll let you know how long it takes for the UTI symptoms to subside!

I’ve got one more big announcement for you. This afternoon I bought a NEW INKJET PRINTER for Howdygram headquarters — an Epson Workforce Pro WF-3720 — after our aging WF-3640 passed away in its sleep on Tuesday. It lived a nice, long life … and we actually loved it so much that I didn’t hesitate to buy a newer version of the same printer!

Anyhow, a couple of hours ago I bought our new Epson WF-3720 online from Best Buy (50% off at $79.99) and Sam has already shlepped over to the store — at the Town East Boulevard exit from I-635 — in Mesquite to pick it up. Here’s what’s included in case you give a crap:

• Set of four genuine Epson ink cartridges (cyan, magenta, yellow, black)
• Sample pack of fancy Epson inkjet papers
• A nice power cord
• A nice USB printer cable
• A “Getting Started” guide (to help us get started)
• Automatic duplex (two-sided) printing
• A 3-inch LCD touch screen
• Borderless printing
• High resolution printing up to 2,400 dpi
• Full-color flatbed scanning up to 9,600 dpi
• A rear paper feed thingie for envelopes, heavy card stock, square media, etc.
• Automatic 35-page scanner/copier feed
• 150-sheet paper tray
• Works with all inket-compatible media, such as plain paper, bright white paper, card stock, brochure and flyer paper, double-sided matte paper, heavy presentation paper, glossy photo paper, #10 envelopes and A7 envelopes

I also ordered a package of four knockoff replacement ink cartridges from Ink-O-Jet for $23.95, which is actually 82% off the regular retail price. And free shipping! Woo-hoo!

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It’s 1:13 a.m., the wee hours of Friday morning, and I can’t seem to stop myself from drifting off to sleep every few minutes. It almost feels like road fatigue or being intoxicated … except I’m not! Instead, maybe I’ll just force feed myself more iced tea, eat baked beans and watch another episode of “Bar Rescue.” Life is swell, isn’t it?

Thank you for reading this. The Alamo says hello.