Useless and befuddled Rick Perry has made one last desperate attempt to be Jesus.

Know what? Every Monday there’s an element of “separation anxiety” around here when Sam goes back to work after the weekend. I get depressed because Sam is fun, cute, entertaining and attentive plus I love playing with his toes. When he’s not here I have to fill my time with the Howdygram, kvetching, folding socks, ordering an occasional pantry essential from Wal-Mart and one or two naps with a movie. It’s a nice life.

For your possible interest I’m pleased to post a portrait of the aforementioned pantry essential du jour ... Nongshim lobster ramen.

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And now for a juicy tidbit from the 2016 Republican clown car, where useless and befuddled Rick Perry has made one last desperate attempt to be Jesus.

Rick’s situation couldn’t be more pathetic. We wrote his political obituary at the beginning of August after his campaign ran out of dough and his entire staff — all except one, actually — bailed on him due to nobody getting paid. Most got hired by other candidates, but when you’re losing people to an asshole like Rick Santorum — the anti-contraception candidate! — who’s polling around negative five percent but still boasting about how he was Miss Iowa Runner Up in 2012, you’re pretty much COMPLETELY DEAD. Unfortunately, Rick Perry is still blissfully unaware that he’s dead and buried, so last weekend he tried to channel Jesus with a bizarre fire and brimstone campaign pitch at the “We Stand With God” rally on the steps of the South Carolina capitol since he has no tenable positions on any issues that matter to normal people who don’t hump the Bible.

You can watch the following video clip in case you don’t believe me. Perry addressed this crowd of grunting mouth-breathers on Saturday, which retreated afterwards to their homes to worship their Confederate flags in private.

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The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday turned down a Kentucky county clerk’s idiotic request for an emergency order allowing her to continue to deny marriage licenses to same-sex couples while she appeals a federal judge’s order requiring her to do her goddamn job.

Claiming “sincerely-held religious beliefs” requiring her to be a bigot and an asshole, Kim Davis has refused to issue any marriage licenses whatsoever since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in June that same-sex couples had the Constitutional right to marry. Eight people filed a federal lawsuit against Davis in July challenging her office policy of not issuing marriage licenses to any couples, either gay or straight. All gay couples requesting licenses have been turned away.

Earlier this month U.S. District Judge David Bunning said Davis had to live up to her responsibilities as the county clerk despite her religious convictions and issued a preliminary injunction requiring her to issue marriage licenses. Bunning stayed his order until August 31 to give Davis a chance to ask an appeals court for a stay. When the 6th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals told David to fuck off, she filed with the Supreme Court, who just told her THE EXACT SAME THING.

Do your goddamn job now, Kim, or just resign already. It’s really that simple!

Glory hallelujah, people. It’s time for a baloney sandwich.