I hate lab tests, especially when the phlebotomist can’t find a fucking vein.

I know you’ll forgive me for not writing a Howdygram post over the weekend. I didn’t feel very creative or inspired and there wasn’t really any big news to report except that I ordered the following new throw pillow from Wal-Mart. It’s for our new leather sectional that’s being custom-made by The Leather Sofa Co. right here in Dallas. (It’s supposed to be ready by the end of August. Keep those fingers crossed, people.)

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I thought you might like to know how much I love this handy-dandy double tape dispenser I bought last week from Amazon. No kidding, guys, now I can finally tear off small pieces of clear two-inch shipping tape without wrestling with those obnoxious tape guns that NEVER WORK. This is a brilliant desk accessory, only costs about $17 with free shipping, and I recommend it to everybody. Hot tip ... IT’S NEVER TO SOON TO SHOP FOR HANUKKAH!

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I have a routine doctor appointment Thursday morning. Even though I’m extremely fond of my doctor and her office is less than a 90-second drive from Howdygram headquarters, I am NOT thrilled about this appointment because: 1) I hate going to the clinic; 2) I hate lab tests, especially when the phlebotomist can’t find a fucking vein; 3) I hate being shlepped around in my wheelchair; 4) it’s almost impossible for me to get in and out of the car so I bought a ridiculous “leg lifter” device that’s supposed to make it easier; 5) we haven’t had one stinking drop of rain around here for the last 45 days but naturally there’s a 60% chance of thunderstorms on Thursday morning; 6) I refuse to wear a brassiere; and 7) all of this eats into my morning nap time. MY MORNING NAPS ARE SACRED.

The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Dr. M’s office at the Baylor Family Health Center at Mesquite; C) where we get our prescriptions filled at Wal-Mart; and D) lots of nice restaurants. Not pictured: My podiatrist’s office at Guthrie and Belt Line.

Here’s our weather forecast in case you think I’m kidding. Holy crap, right?

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I have to order a supply of essential wipey things now from Wal-Mart, as pictured below.

Thank you for reading this.