Friday, July 15, 2016

Please do your best to remember the Alamo.

I sure picked a hell of a day [see earlier post] to stop looking at news websites, didn’t I? In my desperate effort to stop reading stories about the bullshit Republican Party, and looking at pictures of their bullshit candidate, Donald Trump, it’s 5:30 Friday morning and I just now found out about yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France. Apparently a card-carrying maniac in a rented truck killed 84 people at a seaside Bastille Day fireworks display.

I want to throw up.
TRY TO LEARN SOMETHING. Bastille Day — which is also known as La Fête Nationale — celebrates the storming of Bastille Prison on July 14, 1789, at the start of the French Revolution. The event was memorialized on canvas (see above) by Jean-Pierre-Louis-Laurent Houel. In modern times Bastille Day is a major hoo-hah combining popular features from the Fourth of July, News Year’s Eve and Kim Kardashian’s birthday.

Incidentally, “Try To Learn Something” will be a regular feature in upcoming Howdygram posts because it’s extremely important for citizens of the world to know how to read maps, pronounce big words and understand international holidays. Also other things. Thank you.

For the last 60 years of my life, since I was a small girl with popcorn sitting in a big movie theater, I’ve been trying to figure out the lyrics to a well-known song from Walt Disney’s Cinderella: “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo.” And it’s taken six fucking decades to realize that Cinderella’s fairy godmother is actually singing BULLSHIT THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. The actual title of the song should have tipped me off, but five-year-olds generally don’t have fully-developed critical thinking skills. (Neither does this 65-year-old blogger, apparently.) Regardless, the following video offers convenient sing-along lyrics in large print in case you’re drunk enough to give this a shot.

That sure was fun, wasn’t it?

By now politically-exhausted U.S. Americans have read or heard the news that the GOP’s repulsive orange fleshbag from Manhattan — Donald J. Trump — has chosen Governor Mike Pence of Indiana for his running mate. Unfortunately, the candidate’s campaign is a small staff of nasty disorganized assholes led by the number one nasty disorganized asshole whose only known skill is amateur theatrics, and sometime last night two sources leaked to the press that Trump was already asking for a do-over so he can pick somebody else. This is definitely a “first” ... but nothing would surprise me any more!
For those of you with a short memory, Mike Pence is the miserable dickhead who tried to shove through the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) in Indiana last year to legalize discrimination and prevent same-sex couples from buying wedding cake and pizza from terrorized Jesus-lovers. Immediately afterwards, of course, the entire country started poking fun at Governor Pence and incited an intergalactic backlash against his pathetic flyover state, threatening major financial impact from angry corporations and professional sports franchises. Pence ultimately backed down by pretending he didn’t fully understand the law he just signed ... and decided to go after women instead. For instance, in March 2016 Pence signed a law in Indiana requiring “pre-abortion counseling” for women seeking the procedure due to severe fetal abnormalities and requiring the patient to watch an ultrasound and listen to a fetal heartbeat ... just in case she didn’t know she was really pregnant. The law also required the doctor to “inform” on patients who might be requesting an abortion “for the wrong reasons” and made it a Level 5 felony to donate fetal tissue or accept donations of fetal tissue. HOLY SHIT.

Yup, the Republicans sure have their “dream team,” don’t they?!

Sam just got home from work a couple of hours early because he’s not feeling well. Let’s all shout GET WELL SAM! as loud as we can, okay? Maybe we can order pizza for dinner!

Please do your best to remember the Alamo. And thank you for reading this.

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