Sunday, December 13, 2015

There’s another Republican playground brawl coming up this week.

Our big rain hoo-hah ended this morning before sun-up, having dumped nearly 2.75 inches on the Dallas metro area in about four hours with plenty of wind but no storms or hailstones. Mostly we slept through it all except for one particular episode around 3:30 a.m. when it got so fucking windy I thought our solar screens would get sucked off the house. They survived, and now we’re looking at a week of mild and sunny mid-December weather that should make most of the United States jealous unless you live in Florida or southern California. The following screen shot forecast from proves my point.

Good news, comedy junkies ... THERE’S ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PLAYGROUND BRAWL DEBATE COMING UP, this one sponsored by CNN at the Venetian Resort in Las Vegas. Nine clown car passengers will appear in the center ring in prime time with dancing bears in tutus and women who spin around on ropes with their teeth. In order of their official podium lineup from left to right, the participants will be John Kasich, Carly Fiorina, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Donald Trump, the Canadian candidate Ted Turd Cruz, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie and Rand Paul.
The kids’ table debate will include George Pataki, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and Lindsey Graham, although I’m shocked that any of them are still considered candidates since all of their campaigns are essentially BROKE.

The Howdygram will host a debate drinking game this time around, most likely using the keywords REFUGEE, MUSLIM, IMMIGRANT, BENGHAZI, CONSTITUTION and, in honor of Donald Trump, YOOGE. I would consider live-blogging except these people are such insufferable assholes that I lose my patience after half an hour and have to go back to “People’s Court” and my “Columbo” reruns. Thank you for understanding.

And now ... it’s after 8 p.m. and time to chow down on a leftover Five Guys hot dog that’s been hanging out in the family room since lunch. And if I play my cards right maybe Sam will make me a lobster ramen. I love food. How about you?

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