Friday, December 25, 2015

The Howdygram would like to wish you and yours a very merry everything.

I thought I’d start your day with a HOWDYGRAM EXCLUSIVE ... just in case you’ve been wondering what’s underneath Donald Trump’s stupid hat.
Please feel free to throw up now. (Thank you.)

Are you paying attention? There’s VERY “YOOGE” NEWS from Howdygram headquarters this morning! After three days of intense comparison shopping I finally ordered myself a snazzy Prowler 3310 three-wheel mobility scooter online from Top Mobility ... and I think I got the best goddamn deal on the Internet! Top Mobility gave me a $200 discount coupon and also threw in a $350 Starter Pack free that includes a fitted vinyl cover, a rain poncho, a deluxe arm rest bag, a cup holder and a first aid kit in case you fall off the scooter and break your neck. I customized the basic chair with a wider seat ($100 extra), a cane holder and dee-lux “white glove” delivery that provides pleasant people in uniforms who carry the scooter into your garage and assemble everything ($95 extra) so Sam won’t have to do it. I’m so damn excited I might have a brain hemorrhage.
I have no idea how long it will take to get my new Prowler. Top Mobility’s website says “five to seven business days,” but with Christmas and the New Year next week I guess I’m not smart enough to squint at a calendar and try to figure this out. Stay tuned.

So what’s next? MORE NEW FONTS! I’ve got four of them for you this time; links appear after the graphic in case you want to download them for your own collection. I especially recommend Al Fresco because it’s packed with alternate fancy letters and wild swashy things with curlicues.

It’s 11 a.m. and time for a hot shower, food and a bunch of Christmas movies. I’m considering Christmas in Connecticut (1945) starring Barbara Stanwyck and Dennis Morgan, The Bishop’s Wife (1947) starring Loretta Young and Cary Grant, and White Christmas (1954) starring Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby.

The Howdygram would like to wish you and yours a very merry everything. Thank you.

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