Friday, September 18, 2015

Dear Barstool Palin: Go shoot a few mooses and STFU.

I am grieved to report another very, very shitty night’s sleep, maybe the worst experience EVER. I seem to be going through another episode of intense chronic pain and it even hurts like hell to toss and turn in bed. I would’ve just gotten up and migrated into the study. Unfortunately it hurts like hell to WALK, too, so I laid there like a sweaty zombie and MOANED OUT LOUD FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS.

It’s 6:30 a.m., I’ve already taken a prescription painkiller and my Shit-O-Meter is registering at 7. Let’s hold a good thought together and ask the misery fairies to get me down to a 4 or 5. PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

Sourpuss Barstool Palin, the drunken party brawler and frequently-pregnant unmarried offspring of Sarah Quitterface, has decided to shoot off her stupid mouth again instead of killing a few mooses. Yesterday Barstool slammed President Obama for inviting Ahmed Mohamed — the 14-year-old Muslim boy from Irving, Texas, who was handcuffed and arrested for bringing a homemade clock to school to show his science teacher — to visit the White House and bring his cool invention along.
In her blog Barstool wrote: “This is the kind of stuff Obama needs to STAY out of. This encourages more racial strife that is already going on with the Black Lives Matter crowd and encourages victimhood. Why put more people against them? Why egg it on?” Then she accused the President of playing childish games and dividing the country. What the fuck?

Apparently recognizing a kid with talent in technology who was unjustly stereotyped as a terrorist drives a wedge between sane Americans and the lunatic white supremacist Christo-fascists. Mazel tov, Barstool. You’ve finally replaced your mother at the bottom of the barrel.

Thank you for reading this. I need a couple of corn dogs now.

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