Wednesday, December 24, 2014

We’re all just elf-loving pagans at heart, right?

I’d like to begin this post with an extra-special Christmas Eve message to our pal Gayle in Michigan, who’s stuck in bed, sick as a dog with pneumonia and barfing her way through the holidays. Sam and I hope she’ll be up and around as soon as possible so all that brand new food from Trader Joe’s won’t be a total waste.
Note to Gayle: You could also consider overnighting everything to Howdygram headquarters. Click here to request our shipping address. (We have forks.)

Hey. Did any of you notice my new navigation button graphics in the right sidebar? The ones I worked on ALL DAMN NIGHT last night instead of going to bed like a normal person? Actually, an all-night design project — even a stupid one — isn’t really such a big sacrifice since this is the only time I don’t notice MY STINKING CHRONIC PAIN ISSUES! So hooray for my new navigation button graphics and hooray for the Howdygram. They’re the best medicine I’ve ever found and also a shitload of fun.

Sam just called from work to ask if I’m online following the NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) Santa Tracker, to which I replied, “What the fuck is a Santa Tracker?” A quick search, however, uncovered a link to Santa’s progress on MSN’s news website except THE DAMN THING WON’T LOAD, leading me to believe that Santa has a better Internet provider than AT&T and a faster Mac than mine. (As it turns out, MSN requires Internet Explorer. What a bunch of assholes.) I eventually accessed the site directly from NORAD.

For those of you who care, the Santa Tracker is a virtual bullshit thing that shows Santa and his reindeer flying around the globe in outer space delivering the true meaning of Christmas cheesy toys and overpriced electronics to good little boys and girls everywhere, even if they’re Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Jews or godless Communists. Because under the surface we’re all just elf-loving pagans at heart, right?

And now, because I’m freezing to death and starving to death at the same damn time, I think I’ll shlep myself into the kitchen and make tonight’s featured recipe for old people: Senior Citizen Avgolemono Soup with Costco Canned Chicken & Lemon Dust. Upon completion it should look exactly like the sample soup pictured below minus the grass clippings.
And now, Merry Christmas Eve to you and yours! We wish you lots of great movies, your weight in cookies and more popcorn than you could eat in a lifetime. Shalom!

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