Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I’d vote for a “Governor Rick Perry ’72 Dr. Pepper Machine.” Wouldn’t you?

With your permission I’d like to provide an update to a news item from my December 16 post about Texas’ Governor Rick “Hairdo” Perry, the longest-serving and most-warranted Putz of the Week in Howdygram history. Apparently the Perry-appointed regents at Texas A&M University had announced a plan to honor their most famous and divisive underachieving grifter by renaming the school’s iconic Academic Building the “Governor Rick Perry ’72 Building.”

In a shocking and unexpected display of humility, Governor Einstein responded with the following statement shortly before the regents canceled their meeting: “Upon deep reflection, I have informed the board of regents of my decision to politely decline this great honor. I do so because certain places on this campus, like our most sacred traditions, transcend any one individual.”  

Want to know what REALLY happened?

In truth, the regents’ decision to cancel their meeting actually followed several days of intense push-back on social media by thousands of current and former students expressing outrage that the regents’ proposal was underhanded, ill-advised and an attempt to avoid student input, and more than 7,000 signatures were collected in less than 48 hours to protest honoring the governor with an academic building — as opposed to, say, a row of vending machines in the student union — when he barely held a 2.2 GPA and graduated with a major in Farming.
The student newspaper editorialized the situation as follows: “The absurdity of the idea goes well beyond the irony of putting Perry (and his well-documented sub-2.5 GPA) on A&M’s academic hub, which in 2014 celebrates its 100th birthday. The regents shouldn’t name the Academic Building after the governor.”

Personally, I think the “Governor Rick Perry ’72 Dr. Pepper Machine” has a more appropriate ring to it, don’t you?

Another day, another bunch of jerks who won’t do what I want them to! This time I’m pissed off at Zazzle.com, that popular website where you can design your own really cute shit at exorbitant prices, such as tee shirts, mugs, keychains, iPhone cases and aprons. I wanted to surprise Sam with a brand new Marcy-designed mouse pad (I’ve been designing mouse pads for years) but Zazzle rejected my artwork this afternoon due to copyright issues, although I fail to understand why dead Lorne Greene’s “Bonanza” face is such a big hoo-hah. I’ll borrow a line from Waiting for Guffman to voice my disappointment: YOU GO TO HELL, YOU BASTARD PEOPLE! 

For your possible interest, here’s the mouse pad Zazzle wouldn’t let me order. Damn them.

It’s 4:25 a.m. and I’m having another sleepless night. My left leg aches, my knees feel like somebody whacked them with a baseball bat, my feet are burning, my eyes are watering and I’M EXHAUSTED. I just can’t seem to get comfortable in bed and it’s driving me insane, so it might a good idea to wrap up this post and migrate into the family room for a nap on the chaise. Any sleep is better than zero sleep, right?

Thank you for reading this. Keep the noise down.

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