Friday, December 19, 2014

Hanukkah does not involve Baby Jesus in any way whatsoever.

Because nobody probably gives a crap about this except me, I’d be willing to bet you and your loved ones haven’t noticed the monumental changes I made to the Howdygram tonight. Give up? I lightened the gray text in the posts and switched to a darker shade of blue for the headlines and links. (There was no particular reason for any of this. I think I was bored.)

I’d like to begin tonight with an Einstein Award for outrageous remarks from a city official in Springfield, Massachusetts, who announced this week to a crowd of Jewish citizens and assorted rabbis during the town’s annual Menorah-lighting ceremony that “Jesus is the reason for the season.” In case you’re interested, Hanukkah celebrates two miracles ... NEITHER OF WHICH INVOLVE BABY JESUS IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.

The local newspaper commented that “jaws dropped” during City Councilor Bud Williams’ Hanukkah speech, to which he responded: “Jesus was Jewish. I thought I was being very positive.” Not to mention CLUELESS, you arrogant, self-centered nitwit.

Hey, I’ve got a product review to share with you this evening: Ciao Carb’s brilliant low-carb, high protein rice-shaped pasta, which is a diabetic’s dream food and way better than sex, especially if you’re a housebound senior citizen with shitty knees.
Tonight for dinner I threw a big fistful of uncooked Ciao Carb rice-shaped pasta into a pot of Bear Creek Hot & Sour soup and it got VERY THICK and VERY POOFY exactly as I hoped it would. Plus it tasted great and IT DIDN’T RAISE MY BLOOD SUGAR, which means this really is a perfect low-carb food for diabetics and I’ll have to stock some emergency rations in case of nuclear war. As a bonus each serving has 15 grams of fiber and 15 grams of protein, making it so damn healthy I think my head might explode. Holy crap, right? You can order Ciao Carb rice-shaped pasta here from Thank you.

I wanted to include a news story about local cattle rustling — nope, I’m not joking — but I think I’ll wait until my next post because it’s already after 10 p.m. and I want to take a hot shower before Sam gets home from work. I’M FREEZING TO DEATH again.

No comments: