I’m so happy I could have a stroke … “Journey to the Center of the Earth” is on FXM this week!

Happy Monday morning from Howdygram headquarters! It’s 2:26 a.m., and I’m trying to amuse myself until Sam gets out of bed and moseys into the kitchen to turn on the coffeemaker. At that point it may also be bedpan time … an event that requires no additional explanation whatsoever. Deal with it, okay?

We’ve had a lot of fucking rain around here. Almost seven times more than average. Whoa.

Yo. It’s a few minutes past midnight but I haven’t actually decided if I feel like writing a Howdygram post or not. I had a difficult and emotional day on Saturday that turned out to be another sad milestone in the deterioration of my overall health. For instance, Sam and I had to accept that I will no longer be able to get out of bed … not counting occasional use of my portable commode once or twice a week.

Sam enjoys a multi-mile hike every morning at Samuell Park in south Mesquite.

FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2018. Happy Friday night, boys and girls. I’ve had a strangely lazy day today that involved all of the following activities: 1) sleeping; 2) peeing; 3) eating things; 4) sucking Popsicles; 5) talking to my sister Robin; and 6) watching Sam tighten several loose bolts on the nice upholstered bench at the foot of the chaise lounge. I know, I know. It’s a full life. And now let’s take a look at the weekend — and the entire week — ahead, shall we?

I’m completely freaked out by this entire experience. Therefore please send me a pizza.

Monday was quite a day around here. I was feeling achy, unwell, low-grade feverish, slightly nauseated, cranky, not too hungry and generally shitty. On the plus side, though, I got some happy news — at last! — setting up “white glove” delivery of my snazzy new Prowler three-wheel mobility scooter with a cup-holder on Wednesday morning, and my visiting nurse, Karen the Cutie, showed up at 3:30 Monday afternoon to change the dressings on my repulsive and relentless pressure sores. Karen says the cellulitis infection in my legs is FUCKING GRUESOME and she’s trying to reach my doctor to prescribe a high-powered antibiotic administered by flame-thrower. I’m completely freaked out by this entire experience, to tell you the truth, but I can’t go into too much detail here because I start to cry. Therefore please send me a pizza. (Thank you.)