Kindly humor me for a few minutes while I share the story of Marcy’s Catheter Hoo-Hah.

It’s the wee hours of Monday morning, just a few minutes before 1 a.m., and I thought this might be a fine excellent opportune moderately convenient time to begin another post. I just finished watching Victor/Victoria (1982) starring Julie Andrews, Robert Preston and James Garner, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t fall asleep right now even if I tried.

James Garner, Julie Andrews and Robert Preston in “Victor/Victoria.” An adorable comedy.

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Here’s what’s on my mind at this hour:

• The LOUSY WEATHER. It’s 45° and pouring down rain right now. There are “dire” widespread flood warnings for our creeks and rivers, and the freeways are already a puddled mess. The rain will continue through mid-day on Tuesday but we won’t see a warm-up until Friday. Plus … we’re expecting a hard freeze three nights in a row, beginning tonight with a low of 29°. This is awfully damn cold for Texas!
• Another new WAL-MART-GROCERY order will be ready for us at noon today, and includes: hummus and pita bread; Stouffer’s Stuffed Peppers (family size!), Spaghetti with Meat Sauce and Salisbury Steak; pepperoni Pizza Rolls; two gallons of iced tea; a can of sugar-free cherry pie filling; two tubs of Bob Evans Sour Cream and Chive Mashed Potatoes; and a Great Value Chili and Cornbread Casserole. (If you’re interested in trying Wal-Mart’s free grocery pickup service, click here. Sam and I love it.)
• My HOSPICE C.N.A. AND R.N. are due at 10:30 this morning for bathing and hygiene, a catheter change (oy) and ongoing wound care for the back of my thighs.
• And last but not least … DONALD TRUMP, America’s national disgrace, who makes me want to VOMIT.

Thank you.

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Kindly humor me for a few minutes while I share the story of MARCY’S CATHETER HOO-HAH. What began this morning as a routine monthly catheter change (a little unpleasant but nothing unusual) turned into a sloppy nightmare about 15 minutes after my R.N. drove away and Sam headed to Wal-Mart to pick up our grocery order. I’m lying here enjoying a nice movie — My Sister Eileen (1942) starring Rosalind Russell and Brian Aherne — when I realize that my catheter isn’t working and I’M PEEING ALL OVER MYSELF IN BED. By the time Sam got home I’d already “let go” about three times … and I was absolutely soaked.

So how did this turn out? Sam texted my R.N., who finally came back FOUR HOURS LATER … at which time she removed the broken catheter and replaced it with a new one. Nobody should ever have a catheter changed twice in one day and I really don’t want to think about this any more. I also refuse to answer questions.

Rosalind Russell, George Tobias and Janet Blair in “My Sister Eileen.”

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Thank you for reading this. Let’s dispense with the Alamo for a change, okay?