THE ELECTION DAY PUMPKIN PIE, EXPLAINED.
Sam and I despise waiting for the results on Election Day. Since every race in 2018 technically can be considered local (i.e., not national), the results probably won’t be official until tomorrow because none of the major networks will be covering them with anything except abject speculation. Long story short … I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about … but at least Sam has a gorgeous pumpkin pie all to himself to help him endure the drama. Thank you. And Sam sez, “Pass the goddamn Cool Whip!”
Sam and I despise waiting for the results on Election Day. Since every race in 2018 technically can be considered local (i.e., not national), the results probably won’t be official until tomorrow because none of the major networks will be covering them with anything except abject speculation. Long story short … I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about … but at least Sam has a gorgeous pumpkin pie all to himself to help him endure the drama. Thank you. And Sam sez, “Pass the goddamn Cool Whip!”
For a brief minute today I almost considered eliminating this feature from the Howdygram, wondering if anybody would miss my incessant cavalcade of free fonts … aside from yours truly, of course. Over the past few years I’ve added at least three thousand fonts to my collection, all of them free, and I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you have done the same. It’s hard to resist fabulous free shit, isn’t it?!
Today’s herd of FREE FONTS includes a smattering of everything … beautiful scripts, quirky hand-lettered display fonts, serif, sans serif, slab serif and more. My personal favorites are “Night in Sidney,” “Gabrielo,” “Blue Captain,” “Barn Party” and “Zeuty Duo.” Take a look at the bottom of the graphic for download links, okay?
I just started drinking my third gallon of “diet” iced tea (a rough approximation, give or take two gallons or more) since yesterday noon … and that’s no small feat when you consider that I have to sip it all through a bendy straw. I drink it with meals, I drink it when I starve and I always keep a big tumberful on the rolling tray table next to my hospital bed, although every now and then I also enjoy a glass of Ocean Spray Diet Cran-Pineapple on ice. But mostly I can’t live without my iced tea. Just in case somebody wants to know what they can buy me for Hanukkah. (I’m not joking.)
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| My favorite “diet” iced tea is Wal-Mart’s store brand. |
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| Tasty Stouffer’s Vegetable Lasagna in a single-serving package. |
In case you’re wondering what I plan to do with items 8 and 9 (see previous paragraph) … I plan to enjoy a FUCK YOU DIABETES CHEESECAKE PIG-OUT with a substantial insulin injection and a really, really big spoon. This might take a couple of days.
Incidentally, Sam and I are trying a few of these groceries for the very first time and I’ll let you know what’s what afterwards. For instance, the Stouffer’s Vegetable Lasagna, Hormel Sliced Roasted Turkey Breast & Gravy and the Jimmy Dean Simple Scrambles. Stay tuned!
THURSDAY, 11/08/2018, 9:28 P.M. I’ve had two very bizarre days. I didn’t write a single word of Howdygram copy yesterday due to a severe case of the “drowsies.” My C.N.A. showed up at 10:30, and Sam said I refused to wake up for my Wednesday morning bath. Apparently I also neglected to wake up for my hospice R.N., but she was able to check my vital signs (blood pressure, heart rate, temperature) regardless. What she couldn’t do, however, was treat the wounds and crappy skin on the back of my thighs nor could she change my catheter … for obvious reasons (i.e., I couldn’t change my position in bed). I was just a large unconscious lump most of the day yesterday … and poor Sam slept all day, too. He thinks it was “Election Day fallout,” and that sounds about right. Both of us were emotionally and physically exhausted.
For me, though, today wasn’t any better! I suffered from severe joint and knee pain — yes, even when I’m immobile and bedridden — probably due to the dark, cold, rainy weather, and then I drifted into a few hours of very severe depression combined with very severe constipation. (Oy. TMI.) Both were remedied almost simultaneously after Sam went into his famous “night club” routine (he knows what makes me laugh, no matter what) followed by a successful visit with my old friend, Mister Bedpan.
I’m feeling better tonight, finally, and actually might be ready to eat some food again. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything for the last two days, not counting a little chocolate Boost protein shake for diabetics.
Thank you for reading this. If you’d like to remember the Alamo maybe you can send a Hallmark card or something.
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