Good morning, dear readers ... happy Sunday, shalom, what’s new and how’s the family! It’s a cool fall morning here at Howdygram headquarters, and I’m considering a nice toasted low-carb “everything” bagel for breakfast for the following three reasons: 1) I’m hungry; 2) I really like bagels; and 3) you can’t stop me. It’s only 5:57 a.m., however, so I’ll have to wait until Sam wakes up because I’m a senior citizen with mobility difficulties and can’t stand up in the kitchen long enough to tackle the various components of simple food preparation.
Seriously.
Yesterday I was whining to myself that I wish to hell somebody made sugar-free canned yams because it’s almost Thanksgiving and I love canned yams, except I also have diabetes and can’t eat the ones packed in heavy syrup. So I did a Google search and — hey,
who knew? — Wal-Mart sells giant cans of BRUCE’S CUT-UP YAMS MADE WITH SPLENDA! I’m so excited I might have a nervous breakdown!
I ordered two cans for the pantry and also threw in a couple boxes of Voortman’s amazing sugar-free Almonette cookies. Now if I could only find sugar-free jellied cranberry sauce, life would be perfect. People, if this product exists please
send an email IMMEDIATELY and tell me where to buy it. Thank you!
Let’s take a look at another “this room can be yours!” email ad from
Ballard Designs ... this time promoting strange furniture for your home office. That pathetic little sissy desk and one bookcase will cost you $3,800 and come complete with scathing reviews that every potential customer had better read. Apparently the paint chips off, the finish sucks, the wood is so soft the screws pop through the top of the desk when you tighten them, and every piece arrives with damage at no additional charge. Then let’s add that pointless chandelier ($499), an unreachable burlap message board that’s also ugly ($299), an overpriced desk chair ($779), miscellaneous barfy knick-knacks and, finally, who the hell hangs a framed picture ($169) like that?!
What the hell ... let’s shop!
I really don’t know if you give a crap or not, but here’s what
Schwan’s is delivering tomorrow! I ordered a box of their fabulous Breakfast Biscuit Sandwiches (six for $14.99) and a bag of Mozzarella Sticks with Flavor Flecks ($8.99) that Sam and I love for a speedy weekday lunch. These are the best mozzarella sticks on the market and way better than anything you’ll find in the grocery store. Plus they’re ready in 10 minutes.
In case you give a crap, I decided to skip the Corn Dogs this time because it really is possible to have too much of a good thing.
We’re due for another Putz of the Week award! This time we’re recognizing obnoxious GOP clown car passenger Senator
Ted Turd Cruz of Texas for running ads in Connecticut that use the 2012 massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary school as a reason to support his candidacy and commend him for blocking demands for gun control after the mass shooting. Only a heartless shitstain like Turd Cruz would think this ad is a good idea.
According to the Hartford Courant, Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT) issued a blistering statement condemning the ad that trades on the deaths of the 26 people, 20 of whom were children. “If Ted Cruz wants to brandish his pro-gun credentials to Republican primary voters, that’s his right,” Murphy said. “But it’s sick that he thinks he’ll win votes by specifically pointing out that in the wake of 20 dead first-graders, he was the face of the fight to ensure no action was taken to stop more deranged killers from walking into elementary schools with military-style assault weapons loaded with 30-round clips of ammunition.”
The ad, which was produced by the pro-Cruz Courageous Conservatives PAC, also takes aim at Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) with the question: “What has Rubio ever done? After Sandy Hook, Ted Cruz stopped Obama’s push for new gun control laws!”
What an asshole.
And finally ... let’s visit he GOP’s 2016 clown car frontrunner Dr. Ben Carson at home in Upperco, Maryland, where he’s established a creepy shrine to Dr. Ben Carson that’s plastered with his pictures, awards, degrees, trophies, accomplishments, certificates and medals, more like a museum than a living space. Carson is definitely crazy about himself — and also
just plain crazy — even posing for a portrait with his best friend Jesus. Actually, Carson seems to be front and center in every room of his house.
The only other obvious features, besides Ben Carson, are God and bunch of engraved Bible verses with typos.
If people were convinced that Donald Trump was the most egomaniacal candidate running for the Republican nomination, they might now be proven wrong. This can also be seen in the way Carson just makes things up when he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about or inflates stories from his past to get attention ... and then stands by his lies when he’s been exposed OR shifts the blame the person asking.
He’s never wrong. Ben Carson is perfect ... AND PERFECTLY TERRIFYING. Check out The Ben Carson Shrine to Psychotic Neurosurgeons Who Want to Rule the World.
Thank you for stopping by.
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