I design all of the Howdygram’s graphics myself because I’m annoyingly creative.

Happy Saturday from Texas, guys. It’s 9:45 a.m., I’m on my second cup of tea, Sam is still asleep, and I want to share the following graphic because I’m so sick of the violence and misery I just want to PUKE already.

In case you’re wondering ... I design all of the Howdygram’s graphics myself because I’m annoyingly creative and don’t actually have anything else to do, anyway. Thank you.

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In 2016 there’s some wild and exciting new entertainment coming to east Texas: OUR VERY FIRST INDIAN CASINO with an ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET WITH MEATBALLS and POWER SCOOTERS FOR OLD PEOPLE TO RENT, such as yours truly!

A legal challenge from Texas state officials could still delay or derail the plan, but if the Alabama-Coushatta Tribe of Texas has its way they’ll be opening a casino early next year on a 10,000-acre Indian reservation just south of Livingston.

As it stands right now, whenever Sam and I have an itch to gamble a few bucks at the penny slots we either drive 95 miles to the Choctaw Casino in Durant, Oklahoma, or 175 miles to Shreveport and Bossier City, Louisiana, where they’ve got a mile or two of cheesy casinos and clogged hotels along the banks of the Red River. Both of these options are a lot closer than Livingston, which is 225 miles from Howdygram headquarters and not worth the trip. Also because we love the Choctaw Casino a LOT. They have SUGAR-FREE PIE on the buffet!

The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) proposed site of the new Alabama-Coushatta Tribe casino in Livingston, Texas; C) the Choctaw Casino in Oklahoma; and D) the riverfont casinos in Shreveport and Bossier City.

“This would be a big shot in the arm,” said Carlos Bullock, a spokesman for the Alabama-Coushatta Tribe who noted that they’ve struggled financially since its first casino was shut down by the state in 2002. “When we were open before we generated about $1 million a month,” he said. “When we closed, it was devastating to the tribe. It was a huge impact to lose that kind of revenue, and all those jobs.”

The casino closed after the tribe lost legal fights with Texas officials, who said state law trumped national Indian law and casino gambling wasn’t allowed in Texas.

But the tribe now believes it has new authority to reopen the casino that will override Texas’ asshole governor and attorney general, two religious fanatics who think gambling is your passport to hell just like abortion. The U.S. Department of the Interior and the National Indian Gaming Commission ruled last month that the tribe can operate games on its reservation just like the Tigua Indians do on the Ysleta del Sur Pueblo reservation near El Paso. This is some really big shit for Texas!

For the record, this picture was offloaded from the Choctaw Casino’s website but all these people in the foreground have to be paid models because I’ve never seen anybody in the casino under the age of 60, most of them with walkers or power scooters and portable oxygen tanks strapped to their backs.

Thank you for reading this. I think it’s meatloaf time.