Monday, April 25, 2016

Sometimes technology can really fuck up your life.

I thought I wanted to spend a few hours tonight designing products for The Howdygram Store but I shifted gears a little and drifted back to my blog. (Hi.)

I’ll begin, therefore, with an announcement about Wal-Mart’s excellent Savings Catcher program ... where you set up an online account, type in the TC number on your Wal-Mart store receipt and end up saving HUGE CASH-BACK BUCKS when Wal-Mart compares its own prices with other stores in the neighborhood. Sam is in charge of the Savings Catcher hoo-hah in our house and told me this morning we’ve already earned $42.14 since he started his account on January 26, which is amazing because we’ve only purchased 12-packs of canned soda, rye bread, a tomato, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and sugar-free Jell-O cups!

At any time we can cash in for a Wal-Mart e-gift card or transfer the balance to a Bluebird American Express account. (Bluebird American Express? Is this a thing now?)

So far, guys, Sam has earned an average of $14 a month ... or almost $169 a year. HOLY CRAP, right? I think this is something you should definitely try so you can save money, too. You’re welcome. And don’t forget to tell your friends and relatives!

If there’s one thing I hate more than anything else on earth, not counting Donald Trump, it’s wasting time. Jesus. Today when I woke up at 6 p.m. from my lovely extended afternoon nap (stop laughing) I looked at the Howdygram and discovered that the two permanent images that always appeared with every post — my signature and a fancy post divider bar — were gone, replaced by big stupid square boxes that said “OOPS! YOUR IMAGE IS MISSING!” as if I couldn’t tell.

Sometime today between the hours of 2 and 6 p.m. Blogspot apparently decided to stop accepting my two linked images from PhotoBucket. I re-uploaded both of them, but when they still didn’t work I proceeded to waste two and half hours opening new accounts with Flickr, SmugMug and Shutterfly ... eventually ending up right back where I started. Finally I had to waste yet another 45 minutes combing through my blog’s HTML code to hunt for and remove both embedded images. So the Howdygram no longer has my fancy-ass automatic signature at the end of every post or a lovely sparkly gold divider bar. I’M VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS.

And if that’s not evil enough, my original Howdygram blog is giving me a headache, too. The beige all-over background was also a linked image from PhotoBucket ... but even after removing the HTML code and replacing it with a six-digit web color designation the background is still white AND I CAN’T GET IT TO CHANGE. (It’s supposed to be #CAC1B4. White looks very obnoxious.) I’ll probably have to resort to asking a question about this in the Blogger Forum, but they’re generally an annoying bunch who think you’re supposed to be a fucking genius about everything. They don’t realize I’m a retired senior citizen who learned HTML coding a billion years ago in 1995 and the fact that I’m still plugging away with this is fucking incredible.

Bottom line: I do NOT need this aggravation. I’m having a lousy pain day (see the Shit-O-Meter readout below; click here for details), my taste buds are shot to hell, I’ve got hangnails and leaking pressure sores, my left foot is killing me and I wish I had a big glass of ice for my Diet Sunkist. For the time being I’ll try to hold out until Sam gets home from work at 11.

CRF Frozen Foods of Pasco, Washington, is voluntarily recalling 15 frozen veggie products that are contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, an organism that causes serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, elderly people such as yours truly, and everybody with weakened immune systems. We’re talking about high fever, severe headaches, muscle stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain, diarrhea and miscarriages. Miscarriages from FROZEN PEAS?!

How nice of them to do this “voluntarily” ... before the townspeople with pitchforks and torches show up at their door.

The recalled items include: 1) Organic By Nature’s Organic Green Peas, Organic Vegetable Medley with Shelled Edamame and Organic White Supersweet Corn; 2) True Goodness By Meijer’s Organic Petite Green Peas; 3) Wellsley Farms’ Organic Mixed Vegetables and Organic Green Peas; and 4) Schwan’s Organic Supersweet Yellow & White Cut Corn. These are all poisoned with RITZY ORGANIC LISTERIA.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: NOBODY EVER GOT SICK EATING CHEETOS.

You may or may not know this about me, but I generally don’t like supplements. A lot of this crap is bogus, there’s no regulatory organization that keeps an eye on them, the capsules are big enough to choke a horse and prices are all over the map. That said, however, I’ve decided to try taking turmeric because I read a lot of positive information about it on WebMD as a strong natural pain reliever for arthritis and neuropathy ... and that’s a damn good endorsement. I need all the help I can get.

Therefore ... I ordered myself a six-week supply of 500 mg capsules from Wal-Mart for $6.28 and I’ll be taking two a day. Please stay tuned for a complete review but feel free to continue your normal routine in the meantime. Thank you.

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