Thursday, April 28, 2016

All God’s children need this cute up-and-down bunting thing swinging from a curly cord.

I want to begin today’s Howdygram post with a familiar and favorite feature ... FABULOUS FREE FONTS! Although all of today’s offerings are truly swell, I find myself strangely attracted to “A Little Swag,” a seriously complex typeface that requires layering and screwy keystroke combinations to get output that looks like the sample below (fortunately, the font includes a PDF with instructions). It’s definitely worth the effort, however, because all God’s children need this cute up-and-down bunting thing swinging from a curly cord ... right? Amen, brother!

Download links appear after the graphic in case you want any of these fonts for your own collection. And don’t forget to share with your friends and relatives!

LOCK THE STORM SHUTTERS, PAW ... we’re expecting another significant weather hoo-hah tonight! Big-ass thunderstorms will start popping here in the Dallas metro area — which includes Howdygram headquarters — shortly before midnight tonight and continue all day and all night on Friday with very heavy rain (up to four inches), strong wind and maybe a twister even. actually thinks we should sit up all night listening to weather reports because this shit is so scary we could get hit by a tornado in our sleep and never know it. Jesus. I think I might have diarrhea.
Frankly, another four inches of rain right now would be monumental for us seeing as how we’ve already doubled our average rainfall for the month of April, so ... please consider sending us nose plugs, rubber rafts, dry socks and waterproof snacks at your earliest convenience. (You can request our shipping address here.)

I had no idea whatsoever how a pushy, self-important weasel like Ted Cruz became so widely regarded as an insufferable schmuck until I read an enlightening feature today in Mother Jones. Here are some of the highlights, okay? (You might want to nuke a bag of popcorn.)
  • Several fellow classmates from Princeton (who asked to remain anonymous) described Cruz with words like “abrasive,” “strident,” “crank” and “arrogant.” Four offered the word “creepy.”
  • A veteran from George W. Bush’s 2000 campaign said Cruz considered himself an expert on EVERYTHING. He’d send daily memos to the entire staff highlighting his amazing accomplishments (like those irritating Christmas letters you get from a snooty cousin) and attend meetings he wasn’t invited to. Cruz was completely unable to be part of a team. He was a big, annoying asshole.
  • After Dubya won the 2000 election his top campaign aides agreed that Cruz should NOT be offered a job in the White House because no one wanted to work with him. “Even George W. Bush couldn’t stand the guy.”
  • When CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked Peter King (R-NY) if he’d support Ted Cruz as the nominee, King replied, “I’ll jump off that bridge when we come to it.” Then he referred to Cruz as a “carnival barker,” a “counterfeit” with “no qualifications” who appeals “to the lowest common denominator,” and “just a guy with a big mouth and no results.”
  • Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) calls Cruz an opportunist who has “done more to allow ISIL to gain a foothold in Syria than any senator except Rand Paul.” Graham said the GOP would be better off picking a candidate “out of the phone book.”
  • In 2014 Cruz launched a feud with retired Senate Majority Leader Robert Dole when he led a last-minute push to defeat the U.N. Treaty on the Rights of Persons With Disabilities. Dole, now 93, who suffered a disabling injury while serving in World War II, had come to the Senate floor in his wheelchair to lobby for passage of the treaty. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) considered Cruz’s treatment of Dole unforgivable. “It was the most embarrassing day in my time in the Senate, to force Bob Dole to watch that.”

And my final news tidbit of the day is contributed by Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-Fuck Everybody), our latest Putz of the Week, who called on Wednesday for an end to Obamacare’s financial protection for people with “pre-existing conditions” in order to help insurance companies pad their profits. In other words, to hell with his constituents and to hell with YOU.
Ryan thinks Americans with pre-existing conditions should be shoveled into a “high-risk pool” for the “uninsurable,” something like a health insurance ghetto so the states could create their own coverage options. Unfortunately they’d cost a fucking fortune ... and Republicans have said more than once that they have no interest in paying for them!

Not only does Paul Ryan grossly underestimate the percentage of people with pre-existing conditions, he also doesn’t realize that insurance companies indiscriminately (and frequently) change their definition of what they consider pre-existing ... and they do it all the time. If you’re a woman and you have a period, that’s a pre-existing condition. Ever had an ear infection? Yup, that’s a pre-existing condition, too. Keep it up, GOP. Your unfavorables are skyrocketing so fast you may be extinct by September. (God willing.)

I want everybody to cross their fingers for me, okay? I’ve had two excellent low-pain days in a row and it might be the result of my new increased dose of Gabapentin (for neuropathy) plus the fact that I’m taking 500 mg capsules of Turmeric three times a day to fight inflammation. This is all making a HUGE DIFFERENCE in how I feel, and I’m actually walking around the house with less pain and no whining! The following Shit-O-Meter readout pretty much says it all.
Even though this could be a fluke — and I’ll be back to crying and shlepping a couple of days from now — it’s really amazing to feel human again, even if it’s just temporary. Thank you for your support!

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