Wednesday, August 12, 2015

A federal court tells nuns to eat a bag of dicks and fill out their goddamn forms.

Holy crap, what a wild and crazy day packed with unforgettable events here at Howdygram headquarters! The complete list appears below for your possible interest.

IF IT EVER RAINS AGAIN we’re ready with ritzy new RAIN GUTTERS by Gutter Max that were installed on both sides of our house this afternoon.

RE-BATH DROPPED IN to swap the huge yet disappointing Delta rain-can shower head they installed a few weeks ago when we had our master bathroom remodeled. Re-Bath replaced it with a Delta “Victorian” that has three delicious settings: Full Body Spray, Massaging Spray, and Soft Drench Spray. I CAN’T WAIT TO TAKE A GODDAMN SHOWER.
MY EXCELLENT AND INEXPENSIVE NEW METAL WALL ART from Amazon was delivered this afternoon. You get a set of four 14-inch square panels to hang together or separately. I haven’t really decided yet where I want them, but when I figure it out I’m sure you’ll be the first to know.
OUR MAID DID A SUPERIOR JOB TODAY and even threw in some fancy-schmancy decorative towel-folding for me in the master bathroom that earned her an extra $20 tip for being so fucking adorable and a very good sport. Isidra has been cleaning our house every other Wednesday for the last eight years. Ever since we moved to Texas.

Let’s discuss the Howdygram’s latest Putz of the Week, none other than Texas attorney general and all-around evil shitbag Ken Paxton, who is A Idiot and A Total Dick. Paxton’s latest escapade? According to a brief filed at the U.S. Supreme Court, he wants to make a million percent sure that female employees of religious nonprofits should not be given insurance coverage for birth control if their employers object to contraceptives on religious grounds. What?!
Paxton’s “friend of the court” brief supports a lawsuit brought by the clueless fuckwits at East Texas Baptist University and Houston Baptist University against the federal government over a provision of the Affordable Care Act requiring some employers to offer health plans that include contraceptive coverage. To opt out, all they have to do is submit a form that requires the name of the organization, contact information and a signature — about 15 seconds of paperwork — but according to Ken Paxton, mentally-challenged nuns and assorted other Bible-humping lunatics, filling out a form is exactly the same as abortion and they do not want to make Jesus sad.

Does any of this sound familiar? It should.

Last month a federal court threw out the same ridiculous case brought by Little Sisters of the Poor and the nuns of Notre Dame University, who complained that their religious freedom had been ripped asunder by a fucking form and attempted to invoke the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby ruling. Fortunately, a three-judge panel from the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals threw it back in their pious faces and told them to eat a bag of dicks. The judges wrote: “Although we recognize and respect the sincerity of plaintiffs’ beliefs and arguments, we conclude the accommodation scheme … does not substantially burden their religious exercise.” The court also stated that signing a form to opt out of providing insurance coverage for birth control is the EXACT OPPOSITE of being required to cover birth control, and sweet fucking Jesus on a soda cracker, girls, just how stupid are you?
So filling out a single form is too burdensome, but filing a federal lawsuit is NOT? This is so stupid I might have to puke. On Ken Paxton.

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