Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Senator Lee Bright thinks public employees should take a stand against sin in South Carolina. (Really.)

What can I say about a perfect Tuesday? We’ve got a 50% chance of rain, a crew of bathroom remodelers are pulling apart our old shower with a jackhammer, I got a fantastic deal on new cabinet hardware from Amazon and I’ve just decided what to eat for lunch: CHEF BOYARDEE MINI RAVIOLI WITH A WAD OF PARMESAN CHEESE!

Here for your possible interest are the shiny new cabinet pulls I ordered for the master bath and an over-the-cabinet towel hook just for the hell of it. The cabinet pulls were a steal, people. I paid $29.95 on Amazon for a package of 10; Home Depot sells the same hardware for $9.95 each. Holy shit, right?

The nice people at Allegro Medical — a favorite source for big discounts on insulin syringes — just sent me the following email ad. If you or your loved ones need a urinary leg bag kit or you’re just shopping early for Hanukkah, now’s the time to buy. LOOK AT THIS AMAZING PRICE! Woo hoo!
Incidentally, the Internet Deal of the Day is an exciting new Howdygram feature that gives me a chance to share some of the fascinating email ads I receive from reputable e-commerce establishments. Dust off those credit cards, everybody, and get ready to rumble! 

There’s a hot story today from our Formerly Fat Celebrities Who Ate Stupid Food to Lose Weight news desk! Jared Fogle, the Subway spokesnerd who swears he lost weight eating crap sandwiches, is currently watching federal investigators raid his Indiana home hunting for child pornography.
The raid appears to be part of a long-term investigation. A couple of months ago cops arrested Russell Taylor, the executive director of Fogle’s The Jared Foundation, for child exploitation, possession of child pornography, and voyeurism. Investigators say they found as many as 500 images in his home. Fogle swears the foundation immediately severed all ties with Russell, who reportedly tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide in jail, but apparently the feds are aren’t through yet. And it could be because Fogle ran a notorious pornography ring when he was in college. (Seriously.)

Our latest Putz of the Week hails from South Carolina. Meet State Senator Lee Bright, a Republican Bible-humping bigot who’s so right-wing he can’t control his tirades against the United States government. That’s not a misprint, guys: Bright is a government employee who hates the government.

During a Senate debate two days ago about taking down the Confederate flag that flies over the South Carolina statehouse, Bright decided to show the legislature the extent of his obsessive outrage. In an almost three-minute rant he stood before the legislature and had a nervous breakdown about the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision on marriage equality and blasted the White House for shining the “abomination colors” the night of the Court’s decision.

“To sanctify deviant behavior from five judges,” Bright said, “it’s time to make our stand and we’re not doing it. We can rally together and talk about a flag all we want, but the devil is taking control of this land and we’re not stopping him.” He added, “We cannot succumb to what’s being done to the future of this nation” and thinks the state legislature should take a stand against “sin in the state of South Carolina.” No shit.
Bright has championed a number of extreme conservative views, such as believing that the state should allow high schools to teach students to shoot guns and that anyone enforcing Obamacare should get a year in jail. He also repeatedly tried to ban public funding for abortion for victims of rape and incest and funding for rape crisis centers.

Go suck a bag of dicks, you redneck douchebag.

When an elected official calls for “the church to RISE UP” (see the following video) it’s time to step down. Lee Bright is using the South Carolina senate as a bully pulpit to preach sedition. He’s anti-American and he’s trying to instigate a religious revolution.

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO IMPEACH THIS ASSHOLE IMMEDIATELY. If you want to contact Lee Bright and tell him how much you hate his goddamn face — which I did earlier this afternoon — click here. You’ll feel better afterwards, I promise you.

Thank you for reading this.

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