The Howdygram has another “new look.”

I’ve had one hell of a week around here due to TWO BIG HUGE THINGS. First, there’s been UPHEAVAL and REMODELING and STARTLING COLORS and AMAZING CABINETS IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM and SHINY HARDWARE! Gary-the-Handyman didn’t finish our remodeling hoo-hah on Friday as originally planned and will be back on Tuesday with more paint, extra overalls and a fresh supply of dropcloths. Projects still left to do include: 1) paint two red accent walls in the family room; 2) repair a stress crack in the living room ceiling; 3) attach handles to the cabinets in both bathrooms and the laundry room; 4) install towel rings and towel bars in both bathrooms; 5) recaulk and regrout the tub/shower in the hall bathroom; 6) install a recessed light fixture on the laundry room ceiling; and 7) repair and paint minor drywall fuckups in the master bath and laundry room.

For your possible interest our startling yet gorgeous paint colors appear below. We used Leather Satchel in both bathrooms and Rum Punch for the family room. Ooh!

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My other BIG HUGE THING involves the Howdygram ... in case you haven’t noticed! In a flash of boredom creativity yesterday afternoon I decided it was time for another idiotic “new look” brouhaha. This includes a brand new banner — suggested by Sam! — featuring an antique American flag background, new navigation buttons, new topic subheads and new sidebar titles, new shades of red and blue for our links, post titles and graphics, and a text font that’s 25% darker than the one we were using before. This time around we’re using the Block Berthold font family for graphics, Neutra for captions and “fine print,” and Georgia for posts.

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Know what? Whenever you get a letter that starts out “In our commitment to provide the high quality service you deserve” you already know the rest of the sentence will probably ruin your life. In this case the letter came from Schwan’s, and the sentence continued: “we’ve made the following necessary changes to our delivery schedule.”

Yes, friends, Schwan’s is fucking up. Starting August 2, in place of our regular, reliable biweekly Wednesday morning delivery of tasty frozen whatnots by a friendly doofus named Gary, we’ve been switched to Mondays with a new driver and a longer delivery “window” that stretches into early afternoon.

The point is, I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANY MORE. A new driver isn’t such a big deal (they’re all pretty much the same and most of them are named Gary); it’s the NEW DELIVERY WINDOW that pisses me off due to being a handicapped old lady who can’t always make it to the front door so it’s imperative for Schwan’s to show up before Sam leaves for work at 12:15. If they’re serious about pushing that window to 2 p.m. I’ll just have to start buying my fish sticks and frozen pizzas from somebody else. Damn you, Schwan’s. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

Suggestions and anti-depressants are welcome at all times. Thank you for reading this.