Sam wants a big squishy “man-chair.”

As if there wasn’t already more than enough hoo-hah around here dealing with multiple summer remodeling projects, yesterday Sam dropped a bombshell: HE WANTS NEW FAMILY ROOM FURNITURE. AND HE WANTS IT NOW. Holy shitsky, people. More decisions.

I guess the basic impetus is that Sam wants a big squishy “man-chair” and both of us hate our sectional. So we’ll dump what we’ve got and start over with everything in leather because LEATHER ROCKS. There are two big “issues,” however. First, I don’t go shopping any more so Sam will have to do this by himself and bring me along on FaceTime, and second, Sam’s new man-chair and our new sofa (we’ve decided to skip the sectional this time around) will have to be special ordered in the same exact leather, and the color will have to be LIGHT because we already have a leather double-wide chaise lounge in the family room that’s chocolate brown and we’ll never find new pieces to match that color. On his way to Costco yesterday morning Sam stopped at the La-Z-Boy showroom across the street and (of course) he found the man-chair of a lifetime. Unfortunately the damn thing is bigger than South Dakota and there’s no sofa to match so I convinced him to back off and continue shopping elsewhere. After lunch he drove over to the snooty Uptown neighborhood in Dallas to check out Bassett and Weir’s and found a nice selection of overpriced ugly dreck he didn’t want to buy. Damn.

And then late yesterday afternoon online I discovered a blessing from the furniture gods. It’s The Leather Sofa Co. in Dallas, a high-end built-to-order sofa manufacturer that’s the answer to my prayers (not counting calorie-free lasagna or a cure for diabetes). EUREKA, YEE-HAW and GLORIOSKI! Their website is amazing, they have dozens and dozens of gorgeous sofas and sectionals all with matching recliners and chair-and-a-half “man-chairs,” and everything is built for you in the leather color of your choice. And we even get to pick the kind of seams we want, what color nailheads, what kind of furniture feet and even what kind of stuffing for the cushions! THIS IS SO PERFECT I THINK MY BRAIN WILL EXPLODE. Sam is going tomorrow morning armed with all of our choices. Here are the sofas I love best from their collection, shown here in no particular order whatsoever.

And here are my top three leather color choices. Any of these would work perfectly in our family room keeping in mind that we already have a dark brown leather chaise lounge and two accent walls that are painted brick red. Our carpeting is the same color as the Asani Alabaster leather. I’m positive you give a shit about this, right?

As you might expect there are no prices on The Leather Sofa Co.’s website so keep an eye on the Howdygram for more information. Please feel free to continue your usual routine in the meantime. Thank you.

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I think I’d better call it a night now because I’m hot and clammy, it’s already after 11 p.m. and I haven’t had any dinner yet. I’m considering sugar-free Jell-O cups and a large wad of pickle and pimiento loaf. I love my life!