Monday, July 20, 2015

News flash! Adorable Sam bought our new family room furniture this morning!

This is a HUGE WEEK for Howdygram headquarters, guys, and it’s filled with an exciting list of MOMENTOUS SHIT and THRILLING ACTIVITIES!

  • A PAINTING AND DECORATING EXTRAVAGANZA. Our handyman Gary will be here at 9 a.m. to begin a week of projects that includes painting two bathrooms, installing new vanity light fixtures, installing cabinets in the laundry room, recaulkung and regrouting the tub area in the guest bathroom and painting two accent walls in the family room.
  • NEW FURNITURE FOR THE FAMILY ROOM. Sam is heading to The Leather Sofa Co. this morning in north Dallas to buy a gigantic custom-ordered leather sofa and a matching “man-chair” for the family room. Be sure to check out yesterday’s post for all the details.
  • SHOWER GLASS INSTALLATION. Re-Bath of Dallas will be here mid-week to install custom-ordered tempered glass — which takes TWO WEEKS to manufacture — around our gorgeous remodeled shower in the master bathroom. Don’t tell anybody, but I haven’t been able to take a shower since July 6 due to shitty mobility issues that make it impossible to step into the tub in our guest bathroom plus the master bathroom being out of commission, too. I’m sure this explains why I’ve been so goddamn crabby.
  • EXCELLENT MOVIES ON TCM. Please do not miss any of these wonderful films this week on TCM: The Quiet Man (1952) starring John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara; Boom Town (1940) starring Spencer Tracy, Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert; The Women (1939) starring every broad in Hollywood; A Damsel in Distress (1937) starring Fred Astaire and Joan Fontaine; The Fly (1958) starring David Hedison; and Swing Time (1936) starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

This week’s big hoo-hah from Schwan’s includes a whole buck off on onion rings for senior citizens plus nice savings on USDA Juicy Braised Raccoon Turds with White Mystery Flecks Choice Top Sirloin and Puny Unexciting Hand-Breaded Fantail Shrimp. (Oh boy. Let’s eat.)

I forgot to mention a few days ago that my buddy Tiger Woods fucked up at the British Open. This is hardly in the category of “breaking news” any more since the story made headlines almost a week ago — and I apologize for allowing CNN and MSNBC to beat me to it — but Tiger was only halfway into the opening round at St. Andrews when it was already clear he wouldn’t make the cut. Commentators and Tiger-watchers said he looked like he’d forgotten how to play the game.
Tiger Woods hasn’t played a decent tournament since 2009 after his wife chased him down the driveway in Windermere, Florida, beating his windshield with a golf club. THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO. I know I say this all the time, but I want this guy to move on with his life already. Build some nice five-star resorts. Design golf courses. Just STOP TRYING TO COMPETE, because you’re irritating your fans, Tiger. Thank you.

Ready for a great big update? Hoo boy, guys ... ADORABLE SAM BOUGHT OUR NEW FAMILY ROOM FURNITURE THIS MORNING! He drove up to The Leather Sofa Co. in north Dallas, “test drove” a bunch of sofas and chairs, and ultimately wound up with a gorgeous custom-made sectional from the “Maxwell” collection in Asteca Khaki leather, with their top-of-the-line cushion stuffing (a high-resilient foam core with a high-density foam base) and a double-reinforced frame.
In case you’re wondering what the hell happened to Sam’s quest for a “man-chair,” the salesdude at The Leather Sofa Co. said we don’t have enough space in our family room for a chair-and-a-half with a gigantic matching ottoman AND a leather sofa, due to all of these pieces being fucking ENORMOUS. Therefore a sectional with a sofa/squishy napping chaise combination is the best option for our available space and the Asteca Khaki leather is the perfect match for our carpet and other accessories.
The entire process at The Leather Sofa Co. took less than an hour from start to finish and Sam even had time to come home for lunch before heading off to work at 12:15. Holy shit, right? For your possible interest the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) The Leather Sofa Co.; and C) Sam’s office in downtown Dallas.

It was really nice of you to stop by tonight. Say hi to the family for me, okay?

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