Saturday, July 4, 2015

Glue Dots are the best invention ever invented in the history of inventing things.

Happy Independence Day, y’all, from Howdygram headquarters in the great state of Texas! Sam and I are celebrating today with our little family’s favorite holiday traditions: Myrna Loy movies, an afternoon nap, hot dogs from Five Guys and picking up prescriptions at Wal-Mart before they get pissed off and put them back into stock. Oh boy! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Please let me do a Putz of the Week tonight. We’ve got gay-hating 2016 GOP presidential contender Mike “Uncle Cornpone” Huckabee in the spotlight again for his never-ending and thoroughly outrageous battle against the “judicial tyranny” of United State Supreme Court, calling the justices a bunch of “unelected lawyers” with no authority over the Supreme Being. (I assume he’s referring to his best friend Jesus.)
In a Fox News opinion piece published on July 2 Huckabee promised — if he’s elected President ... what a joke! — to use executive orders to fight the Supreme Court ruling that legalized same-sex marriage in all 50 states. Huckabee outlined his plans for protecting “religious freedom” for all of Jesus’ friends.

This will include signing religious liberty executive orders protecting businesses and churches for “exercising their religious beliefs” against gay marriage and directing the Attorney General to prosecute attacks against people of faith who oppose gay marriage as HATE CRIMES. He also vowed to direct the Department of Defense to exempt military chaplains from having to perform same-sex marriage ceremonies.

Huckabee also vowed to use his executive power to “resist” the Supreme Court. (Holy mother of crap.) He implied that Barack Obama’s executive orders have been tyrannical, but that his would be totally different because JESUS!

President Obama has abused his power and violated the Constitution with executive orders to advance amnesty, Obamacare implementation, guns restrictions, and climate change mandates. I will use executive orders and the power of the presidency to protect and defend the Constitution, especially religious liberty, which is the heart of the First Amendment.
Huckabee’s comprehension of the Constitution is basically horseshit, as he contined his unglued rant by arguing that the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage was “an out-of-control act of unconstitutional judicial tyranny,” conveniently overlooking that Article III of the U.S. Constitution SPECIFICALLY ASSIGNS JUDICIAL AUTHORITY TO THE SUPREME COURT. He argues:

America didn’t fight a revolution against the tyranny of one unelected monarch so we could surrender our religious liberty to the tyranny of five unelected lawyers. The Supreme Court is not the Supreme Being, and the Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than they can the laws of gravity.

Then Huckabee slammed the rest of the GOP clown car for not fighting the Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage with enough hatred or hysteria:

If you lack the backbone to reject judicial tyranny and fight for religious liberty, you have no business serving our nation as president of the United States.

Take your own advice, Uncle Cornpone. By refusing to accept the law of the land and not recognizing the separation of powers outlined in the Constitution you profess to defend (but clearly do NOT understand), YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAS NO BUSINESS SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You shouldn’t even be allowed in the White House on visitor’s day.

When will someone point out to this sorry asshole that America is not a theocracy, our laws were not written by Jesus, and elected officials don’t get to update the Constitution by exective order?

As a quick refresher, so far this summer Huckabee has gone to bat for pedophile Josh Duggar, backed the South’s banner of hate, slavery, and sedition, railed against health care coverage for 10 million Americans, and is now threatening “biblical civil disobedience” — what the fuck is THAT? — because same-sex couples finally achieved marriage equality by law.

One last thought before I finally go to bed: I LOVE GLUE DOTS. This is the best invention ever invented in the history of inventing things, and I’m including Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Dr. Scholl’s memory foam corn pads and popsicles!
Thank you for reading this.

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