Tuesday, December 9, 2014

This might be an excellent moment in time for Tiger Woods to consider a few other career options.

I’m not a multi-tasker and it’s always been really hard for me to do more than one thing at a time. Such as RIGHT NOW, for instance. After Sam went to bed a couple of hours ago I had an overwhelming creative urge to horse around with the Howdygram but also thought it might be a fine time to install the new Epson WorkForce 3640 printer/scanner drivers and utility software on Sam’s iMac, which is practically the same as my iMac except a lot fewer fonts and he’s got crumbs on his keyboard. Also coffee.

Just like on Sunday when I had to download the latest drivers and software from Epson’s website for my own iMac, I had to repeat the process all over again tonight for Sam’s. Except after everything installed successfully I still couldn’t get the WorkForce 3640 to show up in the “queue” list when you send a document to print. I installed and reinstalled the same damn software three stinking times — wasting more than an hour — until finally a little window popped up with the following message: DEAR JACKASS: PLEASE REFER TO THE SET-UP GUIDE THAT CAME WITH YOUR PRINTER. (Or something to that effect.)

Sure enough, the only part of the process I forgot was to TURN ON THE PRINTER DURING INSTALLATION. Once I did that, everything else fell into place, Sam’s iMac is finally all set to go and I have a headache. It’s 4:45 a.m.

Just about the only thing that could cheer me up right now is THIS VIDEO. The year is 1948 and here’s adorable little 13-year-old Julie Andrews running on stage in a ruffled party dress to sing “God Save the King” for King George VI. If you keep watching during the applause you’ll notice that she’s actually standing directly in front of Danny Kaye. Thank God for YouTube, right?

We’ve got ZERO VISIBILITY FOG here in north Texas as I write this post, and that’s some pretty heavy shit, people. I can’t even see the house across the street. Lucky for me I don’t want to.

One final thought before I shlep myself off to bed. Golf legend Tiger Woods made his long-anticipated post-back-surgery “comeback” last week at the Hero World Challenge Golf Tournament near his home in Windermere, Florida. Too bad this didn’t exactly match all the hype. Tiger had a fever and the stomach flu, puked incessantly into towels and paper bags, shot triple-bogeys and finished the tournament DEAD LAST.
Tiger will be 39 years old in a couple of weeks and I’m thinking this might be an excellent moment in time for him to consider a few other career options like accounting, retail sales, telemarketing or drywall installation. Golf just doesn’t seem to be Tiger’s strength any more and he sure doesn’t look like he’s having any fun.

Thank you for reading this.

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