Saturday, December 20, 2014

There’s always a silver lining, people.

So here I am at 6 in the morning feeling way too crappy to sleep because I can’t get comfortable in bed when my knees and legs hurt like this. To distract myself during the last several hours, therefore, I’ve been tweaking colors in my Howdygram sidebar graphics and fondling the Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas I received yesterday from my girlfriend Gayle. There’s always a silver lining, people. ALWAYS.

In my last post I promised to share a news story about cattle rustlers, and this is it. According to Troy McKinney, a cattle ranger with the Texas Southwestern Cattle Raisers Association, tons of cattle have been disappearing from local cattle ranches in north Texas, many of which are located practically across the street from Howdygram headquarters in Sunnyvale. This is a very large deal due to cows being REALLY REALLY EXPENSIVE, such as $2,500 each.
The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) CVS pharmacy at Belt Line Road and Town East Boulevard, which is an excellent location to fill prescriptions, buy hand cream and listen to mooing from the parking lot.
Earlier this month a yahoo named Bradley Wayne Guthrey, 25, was arrested for allegedly stealing 70 head of cattle. He probably sold them on eBay because that’s a lot of hamburgers for one dude to eat all by himself unless he owns a restaurant.

If you’re a fan of brilliant political satire you probably already know that Stephen Colbert’s hilarious and intensely popular show on Comedy Central signed off for the last time on December 18, paving the way for Colbert to take over “The Late Show” when David Letterman retires in 2015.
Didn’t have a chance to see Colbert’s big send-off? Here’s the link to watch it on Comedy Central’s website. You can fast-foward to the 10:20 mark for the spectacular musical finale that features everybody on the planet — from Willie Nelson to Yo-Yo Ma to Henry Kissinger — all on stage together singing the British World War II song “We’ll Meet Again.” (Yes, Henry Kissinger is still alive. I’m as shocked as you are.)

I’m bored, my blood sugar is too damn low again and I need some food. Although I’d love to wake Sam and send him to McDonald’s for my Saturday morning Sausage McMuffin, he’s awfully cute when he’s asleep so I won’t pester him. I suppose I can always fall back on those Russell Stover marshmallow Santas.

Thank you for reading this.

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