I’m ready for another round of Mott’s applesauce.

Greetings, friends. It’s 9:30 Friday night and I just realized I’ve been asleep almost nonstop since I first opened my eyes this morning at 3 a.m.

I almost got my new iPhone 5S today.

It’s 12:30 Monday afternoon, and here’s the latest juicy news from your favorite housebound senior citizen at Howdygram headquarters.

I’m a goddamn mess. But I’m a happy goddamn mess.

It’s Monday, people, and I’m deliriously happy to start a fresh new week at Howdygram headquarters ... mostly because I can’t believe I survived a thoroughly miserable pain-filled Sunday during which I limped, moaned, kvetched, cried, shlepped and whined while consuming as many prescription painkillers as possible. GOD BLESS DRUGS. And although I swore to Sam I was feeling much better today, the truth is I’m only feeling somewhat better. The skin on the back of my thighs is hyper-sensitive and bleeding, my heels are killing me and my knees are stiff as a board. I’M A GODDAMN MESS. But I’m a happy goddamn mess. Here’s my most up-to-date Shit-O-Meter reading for your possible interest.