I’ve got a long list of physical complaints and life-threatening hoo-hahs.

Hello. It’s a quiet January afternoon, I just finished a bath and hygiene session with my hospice C.N.A., and I’m feeling fresh and peaceful even though most of the time my life is fraught with health-related chaos.

In case you didn’t know, I’m a housebound, bedridden senior citizen with a long list of verifiable ailments, physical complaints and life-threatening hoo-hahs, which I’ll share with you here:

1. Heart disease. 
2. Congestive heart failure.
3. Atrial fibrillation.
4. I wear an oxygen cannula 24 hours a day.
5. Dangerously low blood pressure, typically around 86/44.
6. Arthritis in my knees, feet, hips, shoulders and hands.
7. Kidney disease. 
8. Uncontrollable peeing.
9. An incurable urinary tract infection that I’ve had for five+ years, including searing pain in my urinary tract every time I pee.
10. Resistance to all known antibiotics.
11. Occasional digestion difficulties (excess stomach acid, nausea, “churning,” and an inability to swallow food).
12. Type 2 diabetes, diagnosed 11 years ago.
13. Advanced diabetic neuropathy. 
14. Black (and numb) “diabetic feet.” (They’re actually terrifying!)
15. A recurring wet yeast rash on various parts of my body.

Some of you already may be aware of this list, others not so much. To me, though, it’s frequently overwhelming, and there are times when I just can’t take this baloney any more. Today might be one of them. I’m exhausted and I’M THOROUGHLY ANTI-BALONEY!

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Hands up for free fonts! I’ve got a sweet, well-rounded assortment for you tonight … scripts (“Diamant,” “Rosella”), display fonts (“Rocky Ryder,” “Rockster”), hand-drawn fun fonts (“Romantic Stories,” “Are You Freakin’ Serious”) and four terrific dingbats fonts packed with critter illustrations: “Kim’s Toons,” “Strange Types,” “Faces” and “Sick Crew.” Download links will appear after the list in case you want any or all of these for your own collection.

Diamant • Mickies • Blackpine • Rosella • Rocky Ryder • Oatlander • Forward

Rockster • Romantic Stories • Freakin’ Serious • Watchers • Comic Hunter

 Quincy Quotes • Kim’s Toons • Strange Types • Faces • Sick Crew

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Daylight continues to slip away from me. It’s 5:15 p.m. Wednesday afternoon, and I just woke up from a six-hour nap that got underway at this morning at 11, just a few minutes after a hospice C.N.A. finished my daily bath and hygiene session. And I’d already been asleep for five hours at that point, because Sam had to wake me up for my bath!

This crazy sleep schedule has been fucking with my medications for quite a while now. For instance, when a person of the senior citizen persuasion wakes up (like I do) at 5:15 in the afternoon, should that person take her breakfast-time pills or her dinner-time pills? (Hint: I take my breakfast pills.) Holy crap, right?

I would also like to mention my new favorite food: PROGRESSO CANNED SOUP. I have no idea why I avoided trying Progresso for so many years, but now that I’ve managed to get beyond that … I love them! My favorites, as illustrated below, are Hearty Tomato and Savory Beef Barley Vegetable. Runner-up favorites include Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom and Cream of Celery. All of these are very easy to prepare, for which Sam is mighty grateful.

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I think I’d like to design a couple of new greeting cards right now, while my creative spirit is clunking me on the shoulder!

Thank you for reading this, and maybe later you could try remembering the Alamo. (Or maybe not. Whatever.)