Getting hysterical about Republican shitheads could be detrimental to my overall well-being.

Wow. Good morning! It’s 10:25 a.m., Sam just got home from Wal-Mart with my Coumadin refill, and I’m finishing up a few last-minute Christmas card creations for The Howdygram Store. In case you’re interested, designing Christmas cards is far better than trying to digest the news from America’s dumpster fire in Congress. What the fuck is wrong with those people!?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but for the most part I stopped commenting on politics after Donald Trump’s inauguration in January. I just can’t let myself get riled up like that on a daily basis, because I’m a housebound senior citizen with a long list of health difficulties and getting hysterical about Republican shitheads could be detrimental to my overall well-being.

Anyhow, here’s one of my last Christmas card designs for 2017, but there’s still plenty of time (hint, hint, hint!) to shop for the holidays at The Howdygram Store. There are thousands of adorable and affordable products ... and nearly all can be personalized or monogrammed. Shoot me an email if you need gift suggestions for Hanukkah or Christmas.

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Shazzam, everybody … Jim Nabors died last week! Nabors was known mostly for the role of screwball Gomer Pyle in two hit TV series from the 1960s — “The Andy Griffith Show” and the spinoff “Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.” — that apparently earned him enough dough to own exquisite homes in Hawaii, Montana and California, plus a 500-acre ranch in Maui that grew macadamia nuts and tropical flowers. Nabors, who was 87 at the time of his death, was married to his long-time partner Stan Cadwallader.

Jim Nabors held a degree in business from the University of Alabama. In the early 1950s he moved to New York and worked as a typist at the United Nations while trying to jump-start a stage career. When nothing happened, Nabors moved to Tennessee to work as a film-cutter for a local TV station and eventually relocated to Los Angeles in the late 1950s to work as a film-cutter for NBC. While performing at a local club in Santa Monica on weekends he caught the eye of comic Bill Dana, who invited Nabors to audition for “The Steve Allen Show.” Andy Griffith eventually caught Nabors’ act, too … and the rest is history.

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So here’s what’s going on in my life this week. I’ll separate everything into easy-to-read paragraphs with subtitles.

I NEED TO SEE MY VISITING PODIATRIST. Oy, my toe is killing me! The baby toe on my left foot is huge, swollen, deformed and gross from a combination of gout, a really weird corn and a badly ingrown toenail. I can’t walk and I can’t put any pressure on the toe. I’ve never been so miserable in my entire life. I called this morning to request another appointment with my visiting podiatrist but the earliest he can see me is December 21. I guess I’ll have to whine a lot for the next three weeks!

SIGNING UP WITH ELITE MOBILE DENTAL. I submitted all of my new patient forms this morning to Elite Mobile Dental, the amazing dental group that does home visits all over the Dallas area. I need seven extractions, a lower immediate denture and an upper denture reline … which is work I’ve been putting off for about eight years because I haven’t been able to go to the dentist or see an oral surgeon. Elite will do all of my dental work right here at home, and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. At last … my life-long dental nightmare is finally coming to an end … and I may be through with dentists for the rest of my life!

EXPECTING A VISIT FROM BAYLOR HOUSECALLS. Later this week I’m expecting a visit from Nora, my nurse practitioner’s medical assistant, probably on Wednesday or Thursday to do an INR blood test … that’s a fingerstick test that checks my clotting time. (Let me know if you want to watch; I’ll ask Sam to take pictures.)

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Before I sign off I thought I’d post a Putz of the Week for you. This time it’s Devin Nunes (R-CA), chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, who decided he wants to hold the entire Justice Department in contempt of Congress for ignoring his illegal demands for information from the Trump/Russia dossier. Nunes’ latest threats come after reports that a top FBI agent was removed from Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia probe because it was discovered that he had sent texts expressing “anti-Trump political views.” The agent, Peter Strzok, worked on the Russia probe before it was taken over by Mueller and also played a key role in the FBI’s investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails. (Yes, he’s still harping on Hillary Clinton’s emails!)

Nunes’ continued badgering of the Justice Department comes after he stepped down from leading his committee’s Russia probe amid allegations that he mishandled classified information. Has anybody forgotten Nunes getting caught on a ridiculous middle-of-the-night run to the White House with secret papers? Nunes has since said that he didn’t really recuse himself from the Russia investigation and has ramped up a peripheral investigation into a conspiracy theory about Hillary Clinton’s involvement in an Obama-era uranium deal.

It’s enough to make you puke already. Devin Nunes is corrupt and ridiculous. And as usual, it appears that he’s in lockstep with Donald Trump by suggesting that political bias was at work in the FBI’s Clinton probe!

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Now it’s time for a snack, a nap and today’s episode of “The People’s Court.” Thank you for reading this, and I sincerely hope you’ll do your best to remember the Alamo.