The Howdygram 2: Free fonts, an in-depth toe report and some light left-wing political commentary.

Holy crap. I just lost an entire draft version of a Howdygram post, a long one that I’ve been working on for TWO DAYS. I can’t believe this! I started the Howdygram ten fucking years ago, and and this is the first time I’ve ever lost something huge like this. Two days of work down the drain! I’m totally devastated. I WANT TO KICK SOMETHING.

There’s a lot going on in my life right now, health-wise. I suppose I should begin by confessing that every time I write a Kvetch Report my friends and relations go into a panic and think I’m dying. Trust me … I’m not. But I’m not exactly well, either. At the present time I’m dealing with: 1) aches; 2) severe chronic pain; 3) congestive heart failure; 4) high blood pressure; 5) arthritis; 6) advanced diabetes; 7) diabetic neuropathy; 8) kidney disease; 9) gout in the baby toe of my left foot; 10) an ingrown nail — that keeps growing back! — in the same damn toe; and 11) depression. I’m taking prescription medications for everything.

In other medical news …

A VISIT FROM MY PODIATRIST. This morning I had a visit from Dr. Duran, my friendly mobile podiatrist. He spent nearly an hour removing (with a scalpel!) that huge ingrown nail/corn/thing-from-hell on the baby toe mentioned in item 9 above. He says it keeps growing back because the bone is deformed. I probably broke it several years ago. So … now I have to start wearing a pad on that toe during the day to relieve pressure and slather my foot with an alpha-hydroxy lotion at night to soften the dead skin. I’m happy to give it a try and just ordered a package of pads from Wal-Mart … along with 12 packages of Hormel Compleats Chili with Beans. (The chili has nothing whatsoever to do with my toe.)

A VISIT FROM MY BAYLOR HOUSECALLS TEAM. This afternoon at 3 an aide from my Baylor HouseCalls team will drop in to check my INR, which is a routine fingerstick blood test to monitor my blood clotting time. Frankly, I think it’s amazing that I’ve got a whole fleet of medical professionals coming to the house whenever I need them. This is the best medical care I’ve ever had.

ANOTHER URINARY TRACT INFECTION. I’m also fighting off another urinary tract hoo-hah, although this one’s a little different that the others I’ve had recently. (I won’t go into any details here. You can thank me later.)

You betcha … I’ve got more FREE FONTS for you today! There’s definitely something for everybody this time, including traditional (“Odelina” and “Peaches”) and bouncy hand-drawn (“Spectrum,” “Mucho Gusto”) scripts, bold display fonts (“Flash,” “Uncle Grump”), nice text fonts, a comic font, and several adorable hand-lettered sans serif fonts (“Juvenile,” “Burnt Marshmallow”). Personally, I love “Friends and Aliens,” which comes with a file of cute hand-drawn space-age illustrations in Adobe Illustrator format. “Mucho Gusto” includes a separate dingbats font full of arrows and swashy things.

Download links appear below the graphic. If you want the files for “Fratello Nick,” “Dear Jane,” “Monoyono” or “Bhatoshine,” please shoot me an email.

Odelina • Juvenile • Fratello Nick • Dear Jane • Monoyono • Peaches
Comic Type • Modestyle • Justtrue • Spectrum • Flash
Mymra Piano • Burnt Marshmallow • Nimbus • Mucho Gusto • Uncle Grump
Bhatoshine & Caps • Stuffed Crust • Friends and Aliens

Look! Clipart and backgrounds! I snagged all of these for free from Creative Market. Just send me an email if you’d like the files, okay?

An end-of-the-year senior citizen shopping splurge … NEW SLIPPERS from Shoes.com and a squishy NEW MEMORY FOAM CHAIR for the study from Amazon. The slippers were a total surprise. I’d been Googling “extra-wide women’s slippers” for three years and haven’t been able to find anybody that sells what I want … open back and open toe slippers with a rubber no-slip sole in a size 12 WW. I always bought my slippers from FootSmart but for some reason they stopped selling women’s wide-width slippers a couple of years ago. Everybody please light a couple of candles and pray that these new Tender Tootsies slippers will work out for me. (Two pair for $20. Not bad!)

Wondering why I don’t write about politics any more? Easy answer: I’ve stopped marinating myself in shitty national news! Sam, though, can’t seem to help himself, and has very few productive distractions, so he’s constantly in a state of hysteria and despair about the assholes in Washington who are ruining the United States and why the fuck hasn’t Special Counsel Robert Mueller (pictured at right) done something by now.

Personally, I’ve been holding out hope for a “national Christmas gift” in the form of indictments against the entire Trump crime family, their slimy business associates, the campaign transition team, the grifters in both houses of Congress and the entire staff of the White House. There’s still time. START CHANTING!