Feel free to wave your genitals at everybody in the dressing room.

Hoo boy ... this has been a day of “firsts” and major milestones around here, and I’m actually so excited right now I almost can’t contain myself. So hang on while I get ready to share, okay? Tuesday’s thrilling achievements have included all of the following.

THE HOWDYGRAM STORE’S FIRST OFFICIAL SALES. According to other designers it always takes some time for a new Zazzle store to start attracting customers, and success can depend on a lot of different factors ... how many products you’ve created, are they adorable, are they trendy, are they organized into categories and subcategories, did you take time to develop descriptive product names, useful search words, assign appropriate royalties, and so on. I’ve been working hard on The Howdygram Store and I’m still busy designing and uploading new products ... but it looks like I’m already destined for greatness. I JUST HAD MY FIRST THREE OFFICIAL SALES and I’m so excited I could bust all over the place! For your possible interest here are three of the 25 new checkbook covers I designed today. All of The Howdygram Store’s checkbook covers have matching iPhone cases and eventually (by the end of this week) they’ll all have matching passport covers and padfolios, too. Huge hint: These are affordable and swell gifts for grads and Mother’s Day.

I CHANGED THE HOWDYGRAM’S ACCENT FONT TODAY. Say goodbye to “Trebuchet” — I was actually sick of that pukey font three years ago — and hello to “Calibri,” a miniscule typographical design detail that you might not notice but was long overdue. “Calibri” replaces “Trebuchet” and appears in every post as the date header and footer, and I’ll also use it from now on for my neat little paragraph subheads. Tell your friends, okay?

TURD CRUZ IS TOAST. Adios, asshole! Turd Cruz officially suspended his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination today after realizing (at last) that U.S. Americans all hate his phony religious guts ... and there’s zero chance he can steal enough delegates from Donald Trump before the Republican national convention, anyway. What a relief to be rid of this dipshit and his obnoxious preachy father! Let’s start a GoFundMe page to send these miserable clowns back to Canada.

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My final feature in today’s post is a Putz of the Week, this time very close to home! Meet Jim Pruitt, mayor of Rockwall, Texas, which is a stone’s throw from Howdygram headquarters here in Mesquite. The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) the city of Rockwall; and C) our favorite Costco on the I-30 service road and Route 205.

Until today Mayor Pruitt apparently considered himself a jackass-in-training for higher political office when he tried to push through an anti-LGBT bathroom bill — “I don’t want my wife and daughter to see other people’s genitalia!” — and everybody in Rockwall basically kicked him in the balls for being a total moron.

First, Pruitt’s brouhaha with the Rockwall City Council today inspired the largest pro-trans rally in the Lone Star State’s history — ONE HUNDRED ACTUAL TEXANS! — out in front before the meeting started. Even the most conservative public officials unanimously repudiated an anti-transgender “bathroom” ordinance in a battle that may help turn the tide on this bullshit in Texas. After several hours of emotional and hysterical testimony and debate, council members overwhelmingly rejected Mayor Pruitt’s proposal to criminalize transgenders for pishing in restrooms according to their gender identity and to require businesses to bar them from doing so. Ultimately Pruitt couldn’t find a single colleague to second his motion for a vote despite using all the best right-wing scare tactics. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

“This is for our children’s security, and frankly I don’t think a young girl should be subjected to seeing another’s genitalia when they are changing alone in a public restroom,” Pruitt said. Good point, Jim, you fucking idiot. That’s exactly what Target’s new policy says ... feel free to wave your genitals at everybody in the dressing room, especially children. 

I hope Jim Pruitt pays a steep political price for this bullshit. Rockwall is a terrific Dallas suburb with lots of gorgeous ritzy homes, a big lake and our favorite Costco. They’re trying to attract homebuyers and new businesses ... not scare them away with right-wing hate and genitalia fearmongering!

Thank you and have a very pleasant evening.