Thursday, May 11, 2017

Sean Spicer is a national joke representing a national disgrace. He should have resigned three months ago.

TUESDAY MORNING. About an hour ago — around 2 a.m., I think — I woke up from a nap in the family room ... with VERTIGO. No kidding, people, the entire room was spinning in a tastefully-decorated clockwise circle and nothing would stop it. I sat up on the side of the chaise lounge and tried to get my bearings, but after 20 minutes of this I started to feel nauseated from the constant motion and had to lean over sideways to rest my head. I eventually made it to the bathroom for a middle-of-the-night senior citizen bladder party and then into the study, which is where I am right now. The vertigo is still coming back every few minutes and I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS. Maybe I’ll feel better with a large dose of Norco and some Cheetos.

WEDNESDAY MORNING. I thought you should know that I finally got rid of the vertigo yesterday by spending most of the day either: 1) lying down on the chaise watching TV with TicTacs and a big glass of ice water; or 2) sleeping. It was extremely pleasant. I highly recommend this recovery method for almost every conceivable medical condition not counting hemorrhoids or getting bitten by an alligator. Thank you.

The Howdygram is pleased to present another tasteful gang of FREE FONTS, including exceptionally nice scripts, a cool serif display font with lots of stacked letter combinations, and a huge collection of decorative doodads (“Fleurons”). Download links will appear below the graphic in case you want a few (or all) of these for yourself. AND DON’T FORGET FONTS FOR MOTHER’S DAY!

I’d also like to show off the latest weekly giveaways from Creative Market. First ... a set of 20 hand-drawn seamless patterns in vector format that can be modified and recolored in Adobe Illustrator. Second ... a really amazing collection of 100 high-resolution wood textures that I can use for a million creative projects. They’re GORGEOUS. If any of you want these files please send me an email, okay? Be sure to specify “hand-drawn patterns” or “wood textures.” Or both!

THURSDAY MORNING. Yes, another whole day has elapsed ... and I spent most of it, again, stretched out on the chaise in the family room. I didn’t have a relapse of vertigo, thank God, but I was feeling limp, tired and blecchy, so the chaise was the best ticket in town. I watched a few movies, slept like a rock and horsed around with Sam. Now it’s 3:45 Thursday morning and I’m back at my desk in the study, all fired up to design a couple of mugs for The Howdygram Store and answer a few emails. I also have to take a lot of meds and inject insulin. It’s always something.

By the way ... I want you to know that Sam delighted yours truly yesterday with a breathtaking GOURMET THREE-EGG OMELET for lunch ... a chef-quality creation with diced orange bell pepper, cheese and bacon that absolutely blew me away. Who knew?! My adorable and talented Renaissance Sam strikes again!

Thought you might be interested in a couple of orders I placed yesterday on Amazon. (If you’re NOT interested, please feel free to skip to the next section.)
  • A new seven-day pill organizer to replace the same one I’ve been using since early last year because all the type wore off. Annoying, but true.
  • A fabulous adjustable desk lamp with dozens of dimmable — yes! dimmable! — light settings and a USB charging port on the base for my iPhone and wireless mouse.
The lamp will be delivered today; I’m expecting the pill organizer on Saturday. (Please drop in for the grand unveilings. We’ll be serving Cheetos and Diet Cherry 7-Up.)

I haven’t done a Putz of the Week for quite a while because I got completely hysterical every time I tried to write about politics. However, now that the Trump/Russia bullshit finally hit the fan I think it might be safe to start jabbing at the “alt-right” assholes in the White House again. This time I’ll start with press secretary Sean Spicer, who apparently was found hiding from reporters in the tall hedges outside the West Wing on Tuesday night after Trump fired FBI Director James Comey and didn’t bother to give anybody on his staff a heads-up about it ... including Spicer, who had a meltdown. I’d feel sorry for Spicer if he actually had any integrity, which he DOESN’T. He should have resigned three months ago. Now he’s just a national joke representing a national disgrace!

Bedtime at last. Thank you for reading this!

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