The Howdygram 2: In case you’re interested, I spill things and I bleed.

Monday, May 8, 2017

In case you’re interested, I spill things and I bleed.

I thought I started a Howdygram post last night before I finally went to bed at 4 a.m., but apparently I was wrong. So I’ll start one NOW instead. Yee-haw!

Sam just got home from Lowe’s with a rented Bissell carpet-cleaning contraption and a boatload of chemicals. He’s cleaning the carpet in the family room, hall and study today because yours truly can’t stop making a mess. In case you’re interested, I spill things and I bleed due to hand tremors (from the drug Gabapentin for diabetic neuropathy pain) and taking Coumadin (a blood thinner for a heart condition), respectively. Coumadin can turn an occasional boo-boo into a surgery scene from M*A*S*H.

I’ve got a sweet little line-up of FREE FONTS for you today ... several pretty scripts and a couple of intriguing display fonts. Of particular note, however, are the deeply disturbing misspellings, such as “Beettrot” instead of beetroot and “Rythmic Dances” rather than rhythmic. It’s enough to make you kick your monitor in the face if you weren’t an old coot with mobility issues who can’t walk all the way to the bathroom — in my own house! — without stopping to sit down.

Nevertheless, allow me to call your attention to “Goldana,” which gives you 20 different layering styles for the basic sans serif display font plus a nice bold script in three styles (the shadow style is pictured here) and an “Extras” font with a bunch of fancy frames and dingbats. On MyFonts.com “Goldana” sells for $80 on sale, which means the Howdygram is saving you a considerable pile of dough today. I’ll include download links for everything after the graphic.

Beettrot • Goliath • Peony Blooms • Goldana • Crellitta • Rythmic Dances

The Howdygram is grieved to announce that Pinnacle Foods is recalling AUNT JEMIMA frozen pancakes, waffles and French toast because they might be contaminated with Listeria.

Listeria can cause fatal infections in children, elderly people and people with weakened immune systems. Healthy people can suffer fevers and diarrhea. Pregnant women are at risk for miscarriages and stillbirths. In short, please do not eat this poisonous shit and drive over to IHOP or something.

In addition, PERDUE FOODS has recalled one of its tasty sausage products due to a bunch of consumers finding shards of blue plastic in the Italian Chicken Sausage links sold at BJ’s Wholesale Club stores in the northeast. The package code is 64405 and the sell-by or freeze-by date is June 25. More than 1,400 24-ounce packages have been recalled.

“We determined the source was plastic from a pair of safety goggles that was inadvertently introduced into the raw material before the sausages were stuffed,” said Andrea Staub, a senior vice president of Perdue Farms, parent company of Perdue Foods. She was surprised that consumers never noticed six pulverized work boots, a box of hair nets, two cardigan sweaters and a bowling trophy.

Consumers who bought the chicken sausages are urged to throw the product away or bring it back to the store where it was purchased. The bowling trophy should be returned to Wally Knucklesucker, the company’s second-shift loading dock supervisor, as soon as possible. Please send us an email to request Wally’s shipping address.

Thought I’d include the following clever whatnot for your possible amusement ... something I found on Facebook and redesigned for the Howdygram.