Sunday, November 13, 2016

Please don’t overlook Yoder’s canned bacon.

Hi-de-ho and a happy Sunday to you and yours from The Howdygram! It’s high noon, and while Sam is canoodling around at Tom Thumb — cream cheese for him, a pleasant loaf of French bread for moi — I’m pleased to provide the following Kvetch Report.

SAM’S NEWS. Apparently he’s feeling not too bad after a comprehensive exam with the dermatologist on Friday plus having four needle biopsies and a bunch of other skin things cryogenically frozen so they’ll fall off his body. (I don’t know if anything has actually fallen off yet. I think I want to watch.)
MARCY’S NEWS. I’m doing well, thank you. The reason why I haven’t posted a Shit-O-Meter reading lately is because there hasn’t been any significant pain to report! Yay, right? My knees aren’t really hurting, my leaking pressure sores are healing up, my bladder is under control and I don’t have a toothache. (Actually, I don’t have any teeth.) Sam and I thank you for your support.

If you’re ready for another herd of EXCELLENT FREE FONTS, I’ve got ’em! Today there are only four ... but I have a reasonable explanation for that. I’m presently purging the 3,827 fonts already installed on my iMac because I really only use — and like — maybe one-third of them, so there’s no point installing too many new ones until the old ones are cleaned out. Regardless, today’s freebies are terrific ... “Artland” offers four different styles, and I’ll use the other three for greeting card designs for The Howdygram Store. Also ... “Miraluna Hand” is from the Bowery Bundle, which includes several other interesting fonts you might like. Download links appear below the graphic in case you want any of these for your own collection.

I have decided, for the most part, that I will refrain from too much of my usual progressive political commentary until such time as my brain doesn’t explode when I see the words “President-Elect Trump” or “President Trump” in print. Like most of you, I’m still angry, completely freaked out and despondent by the results of last week’s clusterfuck election. For the time being, therefore, I will simply substitute “The Asshole” every time I need to type “President Trump.” Please bear with me on this.

My only commentary today would be The Asshole’s announcement on Friday that he’s not particularly fond of the White House, only likes to sleep in his own bed and doesn’t want to live in Washington. He actually has plans to run the United States from his gold-plated Palace of Versailles penthouse in Manhattan, delegate all the real work to everybody else, and divide his time between New York and his Mar-a-Lago mansion in Florida. You know, so he can play golf, keep an eye on his commercial interests and not have to make any important decisions that involve the United States of America or that require understanding public policy, the Constitution, or the balance of powers. One of his campaign staffers explained that The Asshole is “an elderly man who’s set in his ways.” What the fuck?! That might be an acceptable remark if they were talking about The Asshole wanting  a toasted bagel for breakfast every day ... NOT that he’s refusing to live in Washington or sleep in the White House. I can’t wait to see how this plays out! Stay tuned.

I’m waiting for Sam to wake up from a nap so he can make my lunch due to I have lots of mobility problems and can’t stand up in the kitchen to cook things any more. It’s already after 3 p.m. and so far today I’ve only eaten the last handful of a bag of Veggie Chips plus four teaspoons of Wal-Mart peanut butter. I’M STARVING. For lunch I want a hunk of the French bread Sam bought this morning at Tom Thumb, a bunch of green olives and a can of Australian cheese for senior citizens, which you can purchase here at an excellent price even though it’s sold all over the Internet. And as long as you’re interested in canned cheese, you really shouldn’t overlook Yoder’s canned bacon, which is maybe the most amazing canned product I’ve ever tried. (I have two cans in my pantry.)
Thank you for reading this. Give my best to the family, okay?

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